Living in Grace

Reflections

2012-01-31T23:37:00.001-06:00

Time is passing. The clock ticks so quickly.

Lately I have been having so many flashbacks. I have to pinch myself because it's hard to believe I'm really this old with this many years between then and now.

A friend posted pictures from her childhood. You know, the faded yellow looking ones. Where you were wearing funny looking clothes and hair. Makes me think of my own childhood. How carefree and wonderful life was back then. The security of knowing mom and dad would take care of you, and your biggest worry was which barbie clothes you were going to trade. In my memories it is almost always summer. And most of my memories end with my dad who is no longer with us. 5 years and my heart still hurts.

Fast forward to high school. My girls have been through it already, and my son is now in it. The things they are experiencing, the decisions they have to make. Feels like yesterday I was right where they are at. If only I could teach them to learn from my mistakes. But it doesn't work that way...they have to learn on their own, and sometimes....sometimes I have to let them fall down.

Those were the years I met and fell in love with my husband. Love so real. Why is it hard for me to believe that an 19 or 20 year old would even be considering marriage, when that is exactly where we were? We've grown so much over the years. Learned so much. I can honestly say that some years were not so nice. Like I wanted to die not nice. But I could never live without the love of my life. He truly does complete me.

I must admit that marriage does teach you to be more Christ like. Sacrificing, loving unconditionally, forgiving, serving. And if I had to, I would die for him. I'm so glad we are past the struggles of our youth, and entering our glory years. The nest is almost empty - and even though that pains my heart a bit, I'm so excited to rediscover him and I!

The baby years, oh the baby years. I loved being pregnant. Loved being a mama. I was born to be this person. Even now, I thoroughly enjoy have a grandchild - it is never a burden - it brings me great joy. Although B doesn't view children with the same eyes that I do - he brings a spark to their lives that I never could, he makes them laugh, he helps them discover, he teaches them to love music and to dance.

Fast forward through potty training and pimples and prom and graduation, and my firstborn baby is already getting married! Just like that she is a wife, and then a mommy, and now we have another thing in common. Another thing to share in this life. I never imagined how sweet having a daughter as a friend could be!

You hear about how great it is to be a grandparent. How if you could you would have the grand kids first. But you don't truly understand this until you become one. My grandson brings so much joy to my heart. It is crazy cool to be able to pass things on to you children, and then your grandchildren. It has been amazing watching my husband soften over the years with children and when I watch him now, with our young grandson, my heart turns to a puddle. He has definitely gotten better with age.

So where does that leave me now? Pretty much all over the board. My oldest is married and a single mom at the moment while her husband is deployed. I want to be there for her and L - as much as I can. Sometimes this requires over night daycare or getting the little man ready for the babysitter while I get ready for work, or picking up some diaper cream while I am out at the store or running dad to her apartment to fix the garbage disposal. It might mean a quick phone call or text to ask how I cook chicken or what does it mean when you get this charge on your statement. Do I get tired? Yes. Do I get frustrated? Yes. Am I spread thin sometimes? Yes. Would I ever give it up? NO!

My second born is in college. The first one of the family to go away to a 4 year college. There are days it is hard to look at her empty room. When she comes home for a visit, my heart has to break all over again when it's time to say goodbye. There are schedules and roommates and finances to worry about. How do I apply for this and what do I do next. Should I or shouldn't I? Debt, oh my goodness debt. College life, parties, experiences. I'm on my knees often. She makes me proud even though I am frightened. She is an extremely talented artist. My strong willed second born. She has little fear and when she sets out to do something she sticks to it. She helps me when she is home. She makes me laugh. She keeps to herself and doesn't share with me like her older sister does...but when the time is right and the mood is perfect I get to see a glimpse inside. In many ways she is so much like her father, yet so much like me.

And my baby. I always thought the girls would be the hard ones as teens. He challenges us daily. The boy hates school. He is so smart and naturally gifted with computers and engines or anything that needs fixing or figuring out. The problem is he lacks discipline and maturity. I will be on my knees a lot these next few years. I am going to have to step back from a busy schedule, and pour myself into his life to help him through. The good news is underneath that bad boy exterior is an extremely large heart. This is what I like to nurture and develop. Some day, his big heart is going to do big things for God's glory. I just have to be patient and diligent and watch as God works.

Then there is mom. Mom is a 75 year old lady in an 85 year old woman's body. Definitely older then her years. She desires so much attention and care. She has many ailments and hangups. Some how being the baby I got dubbed as her Power of Attorney, which comes with a lot of responsibility. Taking care of her finances, living arrangements, health concerns and well being is a lot of work. But she deserves it. She worked full-time for years while raising us four kids. She was always kind and loving and a tad bit silly. She was there for me, and so now I want to be there for her. I pray that some day my own children are there for me! Many times I feel guilt at the short temper or harsh word I may have given her. I want to be a better daughter.

Of course I need to put God and my husband first. Finding time to spiritually grow and be fed is challenging with a schedule like above. I need God's word to teach and guide me. I need the devil to quit allowing me to be distracted. I desire time in prayer with Him. I desire to be an encouragement to my brothers and sisters in Christ. This takes on a whole other schedule of it's own. Knowing where and when to draw the line is difficult.

And B - I don't need to clear my schedule for him. I just have to remind myself to slow down and listen to his needs. Be there for him. Whether it is sitting and watching the Packers with him or going to watch him play softball. Perhaps listening to him talk about drill presses which I know nothing about, or talking about politics which make my head spin. I love the quiet times when we go for a walk or as we lay in bed just before we fall asleep. Those are the rare moments we truly have alone to talk and plan and dream.

Just writing it all down in black and white causes me to sigh. Some days I feel like I can't do any one thing well because there are just too many things. Add to the list a nearly full-time job, where I manage a staff of 5. It is a beast of its own with plenty of scheduling, planning, auditing, training, encouraging, sales, and detailed organization. I could do all the other things listed above, full-time, without a full-time job. And I would love nothing more, but right now I will work full-time here and there. I daily have to remind myself to rest in where God has me.

No one has the right to ask me how I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday or why I'm always late. No one can, until they've walked in my shoes.

And this is what I'm thinking of tonight, as the movie reel of my life plays loudly in my head. My eyes grow heavy and my shoulders weary. My Savior calls for some quiet time alone with him. With that, I will sign off. For now.

MIA

2011-12-15T06:30:00.001-06:00

Have I really been gone from blog land 4 months? It's crazy how time can get away from you! All of a sudden life came along and swept me away. It has been crazy busy. The kind of busy that makes you crazy!! I think I've said crazy three, no four times already! Getting a glimpse??

Since my last post my youngest daughter has left for college, my oldest daughter and grandson have moved home from Kansas, home as back into my house, and my youngest little/big guy started high school. I continue to help lead youth group at my church, and teach Sunday school to the junior high with my husband. Lots of packing, moving, unpacking, changes. I keep busy at work as well, as I supervise a branch of our local bank. One in which, I might add, I recently received the "Employee Excellence Award" for the quarter. Not bad for a bank with 27 branches and lots of employees to choose from! Will post more another time.

All that to say - my health has taken the back burner. As much as I want it to be a priority in my life, I let life get in the way. This past year has been amazing for me in that area. I've turned a corner I never have before. It wasn't even really a struggle to be healthy, and the weight was coming off. I've been derailed in a big way, and am making plans to get back on track!

This week I had my annual exam/physical. The doctor was thrilled to see I had lost weight since my last visit! I've managed to keep most of it off - only 7 lbs up. Still manageable. But I'm having some health issues, and in talking with the doctor, she reminded me of how important exercise and eating right are. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress, and have been dealing with stomach aches for going on 2 weeks now. I've also been taking naproxin for the swelling/pain in my hip and in my arm. (S.I. dysfunction in the hip, tennis elbow & carpal tunnel in the arm). The combination of anti inflammatories and added stress is irritating the lining of my stomach, and the acid is eating away. Fun! I never thought I'd be one of "those" people. I asked the doctor what happens if it keeps going, and she said it could turn in to ulcers, and eventually cancer. The S.I. dysfunction in my hip is a constant irritant. To give you a visual grab your finger, pull out, and twist. That's what happens with my hip joint. The ligaments around it are loose, and it never wants to stay in place. However, if I get it in place and work on strengthening that area and my core group, it may help! As I do less exercise, it definitely gives me more problems.

More recently my arm has been giving me problems. It started in the wrist. When I would lift or do anything weight bearing with my wrist, I would get a sharp shooting pain, and it would get weak. Over a few months it gradually got worse, until Thanksgiving day when I couldn't use it at all. Over the next few days it got worse, and my tendon around my elbow swelled quite a bit. I asked around and did some research (since I have a high deductible insurance and a doctor's visit that isn't routine costs waay too much), and figured it is tendinitis. I kept my wrist in a brace for a couple of week as to give the arm a rest. Used ice and Aleve, and it has subsided, although not gone away completely. Doc says as I get older, my body is going to start to give me aches and pains. I always thought being over 40 was just a myth. Well guess what, it's not!

Which brings me back to the importance of diet and exercise! If I feed my body the good stuff, and help it to be as strong as it can be, I'm positive I won't have as many aches and pains, nor side affects from taking medication - as I won't have to take any! This is my ultimate goal. My vision. I want to live out the second half of my life in the best shape ever!

All that to stay, I'll start up again after the first of the year. :) My daughter is moving out into her own place. This weekend. We found out this week. My mom needs to find a new place to live, soon, like by the first. I help take care of my grandson, and oh yeah - there's this little thing called Christmas coming up too. I've started to squeak in some walks again - to help with the stress level. I'm making some healthier choices when I can, but we all know how hard it is to eat healthy when we are busy! Prayer helps, and I've gotten so busy that I've almost forgot to do that. I feel like my Savior up and moved away and I don't get to see him much. But that's my fault, not his. Above all else, I need to remedy that.

So for the one or two people who have been missing me, there you have it. A 4 month recap in a nutshell. My world has been turned upside down for a time. It happens. I'm working on making it right side up. Soon.

Month 8 weigh in 8/23/11

2011-08-24T07:12:00.000-05:00

Monthly loss: +3.5 lbs
Total loss: -34 lbs

Ouch. My first gain since starting this journey. At least it didn't happen until 8 months in! What can I say, I can give you all kinds of excuses and reasons for my gain, but the bottom line is, life got busy and I got lazy. I continue to walk, but it hasn't been as consistent, and my eating has been moderately controlled, but not the healthiest choices. Camping, pot lucks, picnics, parties.

So, I begin again. I WILL get to my goal. I promise myself!! As much as I hate to see summer go, I look forward to a routine again. What's ahead? Meeting with friends two mornings a week to walk (stay accountable). That Zumba I've been talking about trying out on Tuesday nights. My oldest moving back home - means more workouts together and a "health partner".

This month will be a challenge with the big transitions coming my way. I hope to overcome how I usually react to stress (eating), by starting new habits (walking when stressed, praying, drinking water to name a few).

Lord, I pray for a renewed discipline on this journey. It is my desire to be at a healthy weight, and to have a body that brings you honor. I want to be all that you created me to to be, and to be a testimony in my words, my actions, and even my appearance. Thank you for how far I've come, thank you for the strength and desire you've given me. I pray you help me to reach my goal to be healthy and thin Father, it is one of my deepest desires. In Your name, Amen

Changes on the horizon

2011-08-16T22:53:00.000-05:00

You know how you hold your breath before a big surprise? Or how you get a lump in your throat before a sad moment? Or how your heart skips a beat in anticipation of something?

Kind of explains how I feel at this very moment. The next few weeks will be here and gone like a mist - and then change will be staring me right in the face.

I feel it happening. I feel it as my 18 year daughter will seek me out just to be in the same room as me. A new habit. I feel it as we keep getting her letters from college in the mail. I feel it as I stack empty boxes in her room for her to pack.

It looms overhead as my oldest daughter tells of the decisions she needs to make for her immediate future. New house, new job, moving truck, expenses, deployment, separation, spiritual growth. I imagine the sound of a toddler's laughter echoing in my home again, as I pick up toys scattered here and there. My heart bursts with joy to be in my grandsons life again, and then breaks for my daughter who has to be apart from her love.

It peeks around the corner in the little boy who is now 6'2 and stands over me. Fear grips my heart from time to time, as I wonder what high school will be like for him, what his future will be. Prayers go up for this boy/man to fully love the God who created him, and to make a difference for all of eternity. It taps me on the shoulder as this almost 15 year old boy/man wraps his arm around me and asks me what's wrong.

Change.

Good thing God is unchanging. Ever present. My rock and my salvation. I couldn't do it without Him.

Month 7 weigh in 7/28/11

2011-07-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

Monthly loss: -5 lbs
Total loss: - 37.5 lbs

Though I wish this monthly loss would've been more, I feel great! I have tons of energy, all of my clothes are loose, including my underwear! And I feel well on my way to a new and healthy me! I wish it was coming off faster. I have friends who lose 3-4 lbs a week!!! It looks as if I'm averaging 1 lb/wk! But, I will not let it get me down. I'm still headed in the right direction. At this rate, I most definitely will be back in "onederland" at my next weigh in!!

B started walking with me this week. It is way more fun with him walking. Tonight he couldn't make it so I walked alone, and it felt kind of lonely! We have way more time to chat on our walks! He's lost a few pounds in one week, just by walking with me. And since January when I started, he's lost 10 lbs! Just by default!! Not fair, but I'm glad he's getting healthy too. Just when I thought I might weigh less them him for once, he starts to lose the weight too! Stinker! I was so close! But being that he is 2 inches shorter then me, even at my goal weight I will not weigh less then him if he is at his ideal weight.

I'm still walking 6-7 days a week 4-4.5 miles a day. I'd still like to start a Zumba class, and I really need to strength train, it's just so hard to fit it in in the summer. But I will start, soon. Promise.

We are still struggling to make ends meet (trying to recover from the lay off), so I'm not yet eating like I'd like to. It's very difficult to shop healthy on a limited budget. But I do the best I can, and the good part is, we can't afford any extra goodies to tempt me! I just watch my portions and try and get my fruits and veggies in. I try to stay away from boxed/prepared foods as much as possible and I drink lots of water. I haven't been as good about not eating after 7, and I need to get back into that habit!

25 lbs to go to reach my goal, 30 to be at the high end of my "ideal weight". Maybe by Christmas I will be there!

Before and after

2011-07-13T14:57:00.001-05:00

Pretty cool to have a visual of how far I've come. Can't wait to reach my goal! :) Sorry about the quality of the pic. J is not gifted in this area!!

Extra boost

2011-07-05T22:35:00.000-05:00

O.k. so I'm half way to my weight loss goal, and things are slowing down a bit for me. I'm still exercising and choosing wisely for the most part, but the process is starting to feel sooooo sloooow.

That is until my friend Emily introduced me to livestrong.com!! What a great website!! You can do SO much here. Track your daily food intake, build a recipe and figure out the calories, track your calories burned (just plug in the route you walked/ran/biked, etc), look up recipes, find helpful articles and so much more! I haven't really been "tracking" since I started my journey. I've done it so many times before, I wanted it to be less of a chore and more natural. And eventually, I probably will keep that mentality when I'm maintaining, but right now while I'm trying to get the last 30 off, I'm going to track. I think it will help me to have a visual and keep me accountable - especially the exercise portion. I had no idea I was burning 445 calories on my current walk route!

I love being healthy. I love putting healthy things in my body, and staying active to keep my body performing the way God designed it!

I've also made a new friend - Shelly. She's my "organic/naturalistic" friend. And a nurse to boot! (lets not forget a daughter of the King!) She is a wealth of information! B and I have always desired to be more organic and to treat symptoms and illnesses organically, and we are learning so much from her! I was right about the artificial sweeteners - gross - steer clear people!! Stick to Truvia or stevia, and stay away from those nasty diet sodas and things sweetened with aspartame and splenda, or even sugar. Man. Do you know what is in that stuff and what it does to your body? Maybe I can talk Shelly into writing an article!

So my gal pals are on their own fitness journey, to my surprise. Not only do I have sisters in Christ, but friends who are just as excited and pumped to change and be all that God created us to be! We are going to switch up our exercise a bit by adding some Zumba, and some laps in Em's new pool. I think I have some workout buddies! Yay!

I'd say this is just the boost I needed! Here's to a healthier me in another month!!

Just for fun, here's a picture of me 6 months ago. (yikes!)
I'm going to have someone get a picture of me in the same shirt now...pic to follow!

Christmas 2010

An extension of me...

2011-06-29T21:38:00.002-05:00

I never knew being a Grammy would be this much fun!

This is how he gives smooches

His giggle/squeal fills me with delight

He makes a cute little snort when he is showing off

We play peek a boo

He loves animals SO much. Squeals and giggles and chases them.

He finds pure joy in the little things - like playing in water

He wants what all the big people have

He is in love with Grampy's hat

And he is in love with his Grampy - which melts my heart!

Month 6 weigh in 6/28/11

2011-06-28T21:59:00.003-05:00

Monthly loss: -4 pounds
Total loss: -32.5 pounds

I went with my loss from the last official weigh in, and not the day after where I lost 2.5 more pounds. If I went with the 2nd day weigh in, then my loss for the month is 1.5 pounds. All in all though, I'm still down 32.5 pounds in 6 months. Not too shabby. I'd still like to lose 30 more. At this rate, I should be at my goal by Christmas. I'm hoping to be back in the 100s at my next weigh in!!!

It was an extremely busy, crazy, stressful month. And the stress hasn't left.

What happened?

My in-laws arrived from Arizona. We haven't seen them in over a year!! I am blessed to have them in my life!

My firstborns arrived from Kansas. Now two families are guests in our home! Double dishes, double laundry, double cooking!

My second born graduated from high school. My baby graduated from middle school. Lots and lots of planning and preparation go into planning a grad party. Not to mention how it has set us back financially.

I'm sure it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm not. Just giving you a visual of my crazy life this past month. It was delightful having those I love around.

And the topping on the cake? I work at a bank, and we got a huge job for the local school opening Health Savings Accounts for 85 employees!! To be complete in 2 weeks!! I can't even tell you the amount of planning and preparation and detail that goes into this. I am the supervisor, so I also have to keep up with those duties. There was one day that I had to go in my bedroom, climb into bed, and curl in a ball for the night. It was just too much coming at me from too many directions.

Things are improving, but the stress level is still there. Praying for joy and peace to be restored!

So am I disappointed with my weight loss. No. I'm actually rather excited that I didn't gain weight! The first week of company I did great and kept up with my exercise. The second week it got more difficult, and by the third week it was out the window between the company and the stress at work. I was just too pooped to participate! But yesterday was day 1 of a fresh start. I'm right back at it and ready to get the rest of this weight off! I'd like to see more of a 2lb a week average, so I'm going to have to kick it up a notch!

First goal!!

2011-06-02T05:30:00.000-05:00

The day AFTER weigh in, I lost 2.5 more pounds!! So I DID IT! I reached my 30lb (31 to be exact) goal by C's graduation! 31.5 pounds to go to reach my final goal!!!! Half way there!

As for goal #2, it may be hard to weigh less then my hubby, as he is still losing weight - by default. He's been taking a few walks with me, and again - less fast food because I talk him into steering clear!

Not fair, but o.k. I'm happy that he's getting healthy too.

It's 5:30 a.m. I couldn't sleep anymore, so I guess I'll get my workout out of the way before the house wakes up!

Thank you Father for giving me the desire to be healthy. Thank you for the body you've created for me. I pray I will always treat it well, and that it will honor you. Please continue to give me the strength and discipline needed to maintain a healthy lifestyle. And thank you for bringing K & L home safely from Kansas. My heart over flows and you are so good to me!! Amen

Month 5 weigh in 5/31/11

2011-06-01T07:22:00.000-05:00

Monthly loss: -4 pounds
Total loss: -28.5 pounds

I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in my loss this month. I feel as if I've hit a plateau. The last two weeks have been really busy with grad party preparations, so I haven't got my strength training in, but I've been keeping up with the walking and am up to 4 miles most days. A day here or there I may have eaten a little more then I should, but nothing drastic. I'd really like to make my goal of 30 pounds lost by the graduation party next week. That gives me one week, so I will be weighing in, just to check. I'm going to have to kick it up a notch this week some how - on top of company and planning! I'm a little nervous about all of the company and partying coming up these next two weeks. There will be plenty of temptation for me to avoid! And I think I'm going to have to wake up early to get my walk in, because the evenings will be too busy.

I won't be able to get back to strength training until after all of the company has left, which is the end of June. That might slow me down a bit, but I will keep doing what I can to get this weight off! My next goal is to be lighter then my husband, which I can't remember the last time I was. Perhaps when we were teenagers??? I think I will need to lose about 20 more pounds for that to happen.

Leave me a comment if you have some ideas for busting through this plateau!!

Side note - today is the day!! I pick up my daughter and grandson from the airport!! They will be home for a three week visit!! And Mom and Dad G came in last Saturday, and will be staying with us starting this weekend. It's gonna be a full house, and I'll have a full heart!!!

It is well....with my soul

2011-05-21T09:24:00.002-05:00

Not sure about you, but in our area an organization is predicting that today is the end of the world. The rapture will come at 6 p.m. and take believers to heaven. I don't understand how people can read the same bible as the rest of us, and come up with some of this stuff. What I do know is that the bible says: "You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him." Luke 12:40 or "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves," Matt 7:15, or "Many false prophets shall rise and shall deceive many." Matt 24:11‎

It's kind of sad, because it shines a bad light on Christians, "one of those crazy Christians". And it's sad that this group believes in it whole heartedly. But for the rest of the believers out there, this is your time to be a witness - to share what you know about Christ, to share your bible, and perhaps dispel some of the myths. To share the hope that you have!

On the flip side of the coin - I am ready!! If Christ did return today at 6 p.m. I would love to meet my Savior face to face and be in that glorious place. I'm sure His work for me here on earth is not done, but when it is, take me!

So many are frightened and anxious, but me..... "It is well it is well with my soul with my soul it is well, it is well with my soul!!"

Next weekend at this time, we finally get to see my mother and father in-law again! They moved to Arizona about a year and a half ago, and we haven't seen them in a year. We miss them terribly, and are really looking forward to their visit. They are coming home for C's high school graduation celebration, and to help us get ready for it.

AND

A few short days after that, my daughter and my grandson will be home from Kansas with the son in-law to follow a week or so later!

I'M SO PUMPED!

I am in my element most when surrounded by family that I love. I can't wait for the next few weeks!

So today we prepare for company. I have a slideshow to create for C. Invitations to get out. Cleaning to do. Flowers to plant. Hubby has a garage and basement to clean, carpets to shampoo, and a yard to get ready.

But first I think I'll get my walk out of the way. I feel like I may have blown it last night. I was so hungry. We haven't had much food around the house, and I think my body was just starving. Hubby cooked chicken breasts and italian sausage on the grill - I had one of each!! And then he made corn on the cob and my favorite red potato veggie combo. For him and the kids he made tator tots, so I had a few of those too. Which might have been ok, but later last night as I took time at the computer to unwind, I ate an unhealthy amount of tortilla chips. Our Wal-Mart didn't have the baked kind in stock. I don't think I will be buying the regular kind anymore. Shame on me! So I feel horrible right now, and need to get right back at it. I'm two pounds away from my first goal (yes, I cheated and stepped on the scale) of 30 lbs - half way there. I wanted to be down 30 pounds by graduation, and I have about a week to go. I think I can do it.

I do notice if I skip exercise, I almost always eat poorly. Another reason exercise has to be a priority in my life!

So, I'm off for my 3.5 mile walk and then probably some strength training, before I trudge on through my busy day.

One final question I have for you! If you were to die today, do you know where you would be? Because there is a way to know for sure!

Rain rain rain rain rain....go away!!

2011-05-14T09:41:00.000-05:00

I am SO.SICK.OF.OUR.WEATHER!!! Rain, cold, rain, one nice day - teaser, rain, cold, rain. It is relentless this year - I don't remember it ever being this bad. It is starting to mess with my disposition! It puts a damper on everything. Literally.

This morning I was out walking in it. I thought to myself, it's official. I'm one of "them". :) One of those crazies who walks in the rain and crappy weather. I see how it happens now, now that I've crossed over from the dark side. People who are thin and healthy are active - no matter what it takes. They are active in the summer, active when it is nice out, active on vacation, active when they don't have time, and active in bad weather. How else do you keep your muscles lean and your metabolism up? Once you "cross the line" you will do whatever it takes to maintain that activity. I am so glad to be on this side of the fence. It is a milestone for me, and it feels great!!

Hubster has softball tournaments this weekend. I love going to cheer him on and fellowship with the wives. I love encouraging him in a sport that he loves. He's happy, I'm happy. I will confess though, it is a little rough in rain and wind and cold!! Grrr...

In other news, C has prom today. Her last one. My heart just did a double take. I didn't even really think about it, but she is my last girl, and this is her last prom! I will have to make a point to get some good pictures today and try and squeeze in some time with her. I slowly see her butterfly wings coming out, as she morphs into the woman that she will be. I see her faith growing, and spiritual things truly matter to her now. No greater joy for a mom!

College is 3 short months away. I have fears, but I'm happy for her to be gaining her independence. She is my private child. She keeps most of her thoughts and plans and ideas to herself. I talk to my oldest who lives states away, every day. Sometimes a few times a day. There are days I know what she is having for dinner, who is coming over, and what "stinks" is up to. I'm afraid I won't hear from C every day like that. I won't know what exam she is studying for or what new friend she has made. I can only hope that once we are apart, I will become more of a friend in her eyes, like I did with K. The separation is going to be hard on this momma, hurts my heart to think about it!

Her grad party is 4 weeks away. So much to do so little time. I can honestly say - I don't like planning big parties. Yuck. But, one foot forward as we do what we can to make it special for her!! Now if the Lord would just rain down a little extra moola on us, that would be special!! Oh, and some sunshine and weather would be awesome too.

Ripple Affect

2011-05-11T07:31:00.000-05:00

Had a near scare with DH this week. That's kind of a dumb quote actually. Had a real scare to a near major huge trial! He has been having chest pains on and off for a few weeks. Sometimes they seem to come on when he is stressed, other times for no reason at all. A few time I've seen him sort of hold his chest. For a second we debated the doctor's visit, because his last visit for a nasty cold cost us $134! Since his new job I picked up health insurance at my job - a high deductible plan - to the tune of $6000! But that thought came and went quickly. How would I feel if he had a heart attack and we were too tight to pay the $134??? We are over the hill now, have to take these things seriously!

I put on my doctor's hat and had a few diagnosis' myself. One was it had to have something to do with his heartburn that he has battled for years. Two was it was some sort of muscle pull, perhaps from the new machining job or from softball. Three was something was up with his heart - my worst nightmare. There is a history of heart problems in his family - except all of them had drinking problems, and he doesn't drink.

As you can believe, I started to imagine all kinds of things. I imagined the worst and my life without him - that was the hardest. I don't ever want to be there. If you've ever heard me complain about my man, I sincerely apologize. I am not going to criticize or bring to light his faults anymore! Though in many areas we are opposites, we were made to fit together, like a Lego! He is a part of me, a part of who I am. A part of my character, a part of my decisions, a part of my joys and my trials. "He completes me"! So going forward, I will pray for his weaknesses and build up his strengths!! Too bad it took me 21 years to take this seriously!

The results? The doctor believes it is related to his heartburn. Prescribed Prilosec for two weeks to see if it helps at all. Whew! That was close!

And the reason for the title of this post? Since he was at the doctor two months ago for a cold, he has lost 7 pounds! I like to attribute that to the ripple affect. When he asks to go for fast food, I say lets not or how about a sub? Junk food around the house? No longer. On a number of occasions I've asked him to walk with me. Soda - zilch. Dinners are no longer fried or processed for the most part. Even though he is not dieting or exercising, I believe my lifestyle changes are having a "ripple affect". And that makes me happy!

They forgot

2011-05-09T20:49:00.000-05:00

At least that is what I'd like to believe. Because the alternative is that they don't care.

My two younger children never said a word to me yesterday for Mother's Day. No "Happy Mother's Day"." No I Love You." No "let me do that for you." No hugs. I watched in church as a precious little girl wrapped her arms around her mommy's neck and said "Happy Mother's Day Mommy". I had to choke back tears. It was so sweet!!

I can do without gifts, and even cards, but without the heartfelt words? That one kind of hurts. Actually it does hurt. I was a little heart broken.

My oldest left me sweet sentiments on facebook. It was hard though, with her being so many states away. I wish we could have been together.

I debated whether or not to write about it, but I decided to for 1 reason. You have to have some bad Mother's days to make the good ones all the more special. :)

I hope deep down they really do care. All I know is I can still rejoice that He blessed me with children. That I can be called "Mom" or "Grammy". And I'm especially blessed to have a mother who raised me with so much love! I think I will dwell on that instead!

Month 4 weigh in 5/3/11

2011-05-03T07:53:00.000-05:00

Monthly loss: -5.5 pounds
Total loss: -24.5 pounds

Slow and steady I guess! I'm a little disappointed that I'm not averaging 2 pounds a week, but I'm happy that each month is bringing me 5 pounds closer to my goal.

My endurance is definitely up. I can actually do the "plank" exercise for the entire duration now, and I'm doing push ups! I struggle with ab exercises yet, but my tummy is very little muscle! When I walk, it feels as if I hardly break a sweat any more, so I need to mix it up and add spurts of running and hills to my walk. I remember back in January I started at 20 minute walks and now I'm up to an hour! I think I've walked my treadmill to death, as it isn't functioning properly. Need the DH to look at it.

I take comfort in the fact that I've probably gained muscle, which weighs more and burns more. Perhaps next time I will see a bigger loss.

This month we took a last minute, spontaneous trip to Kansas to see my daughter and her family for Easter. It was good medicine for my soul. I missed them something fierce! My DH loves me so much, he could sense I needed it, so he surprised me. It was a huge sacrifice on his part, as it wasn't cheap (especially after our van broke down half way home), and he used one of the precious few vacation days he has. So it was truly a gift of love.

I did fairly well on the trip, but not perfect. What's a road trip without licorice and snacks, right? I did bring some healthy snacks, but nibbled on a few not so healthy as well. While we were there I made sure to walk every day. They have some great hills where she lives, so I think I may even have burned a few extra calories!

My routine is pretty much the same. Most days I wake up and do 20 minutes of strength training and in the evening I walk for an hour. It's finally getting nice enough where I can walk outside!! I'm still alternating between Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and the Biggest Loser dvd with Bob.

Oatmeal is my main breakfast item, along with a cup of coffee. Still making sure to get my healthy, high protein snacks in between meals, as it keeps me fueled. I think I could increase my vegetable intake, however.

This month I'll be planning my second born's graduation party. The stress level will be up a bit, and the food at the party will probably be crazy. Hopefully I can walk my way through the stress, and choose some healthier options for the party. Right now we are thinking baked potato bar. She has also requested chocolate covered strawberries.

I think this month I'll ask the Lord for a bigger weight loss!

Snacking to lose

2011-04-19T17:42:00.000-05:00

Good article on snacking!

"I eat healthy, and I don't snack between meals; why can't I lose any weight?"

A colleague—I'll call her Mary—was in my office recently, complaining about her body with just those words. I listened, nodding sympathetically, because I couldn't speak—I had a mouth full of almonds and was washing them down with chocolate milk. Mary stared at me as though I'd just backed over her dachshund. "You eat all the time, and you never gain weight!" she exclaimed. "What, is there a picture in your attic that gets fatter while you stay thin?"

"I never gain weight because I eat all the time," I explained, reaching for a napkin. "Not snacking is exactly the wrong thing to do!"

Our bodies evolved to graze; when food gets scarce, we start to retain fat as a way of protecting ourselves from famine. "That's exactly what happens when you don't snack between meals," I told her. "Your body doesn't know where its next meal is coming from, so it's afraid to shed the extra pounds." Worse, you wind up eating more than you need at every meal.

That's why snacking is so important: In fact, when Penn State researchers fed subjects just one humble apple before mealtime, the subjects consumed nearly 190 fewer calories. That's part of the reason why, when laying out the eating strategy for the new Eat This, Not That No-Diet Diet!, I included two snacks per day, every day.

Think of it this way: The more you eat, the more you lose. Sounds great, right? But you need to snack smartly, and stock your kitchen with the nibbles on this list.

1. BEST YOGURT
Fage Total 2% Plain Greek Yogurt (7 oz container)
130 calories
4 g fat (3 g saturated)
17 g protein
8 g sugars

Yogurt is teeming with calcium, which promotes muscle growth; and probiotic bacteria, which bolsters your immune system. What's more, study participants who ate yogurt daily lost 81 percent more belly fat than those who didn't, according to a study published in the International Journal of Obesity. So why Greek? Because the Greek stuff has more than double the protein of standard American-style yogurt-and far less sugar. Want to make it even healthier? Add a few berries along with some nuts or seeds.

Not That!
Dannon Fruit on the Bottom Strawberry (6 oz container)
150 calories
1.5 g fat (1 g saturated)
6 g protein
26 g sugars

DID YOU KNOW? Sleepy women eat an extra 328 calories per day, according a new study from the New York Obesity Research Center. Discover more shockinghealth, nutrition, and weight loss secrets like this by following me on Twitter right here (where I'm giving a FREE iPad2 to a lucky follower) or by signing up for our FREE Eat This, Not That! newsletter.

2. BEST FINGER FOOD
Almonds (1 oz)
163 calories
14 g fat (1 g saturated)
6 g protein
3.5 g fiber

Almonds are an excellent source of heart-healthy monosaturated fats, and, pound for pound, a better source of protein than eggs. That's part of the reason why research published in the journal Obesity demonstrated that people who frequently eat nuts are less likely to gain weight. Just be sure to eat them whole: A study from theJournal of Nutrition found that the flavonoids in the skin combine with the vitamin E in the nut to double the antioxidant dose.

Not That!
Original M&Ms (1 serving, 1.7 oz)
240 calories
10 g fat (6 g saturated)
31 g sugars
2 g protein
1 g fiber

Bonus Tip: The right breakfast will jumpstart your metabolism and have you burning more calories throughout the day. The wrong one will fill you up with empty calories and an entire day’s worth of fat, sugar, and salt. Make sure you consult this shocking list of the 20 Worst Breakfasts in America.

3. BEST CEREAL
Kashi GoLean Original (1 cup with 1/2 cup of 1% milk)
195 calories
2.5 g fat (.5 g saturated)
12 g sugars
17 g protein
10 g fiber

You know how you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover? Well the same rule applies to cereal. Some cereals, like the granola below, look healthy but actually have as much sugar as a candy bar. Kashi's GoLean lives up to its healthy moniker. This bowl has twice as much fiber as an apple, three times as much protein as a large egg, and even with milk it manages to keep the calorie load below 200 per bowl.

Not That!
Kashi Summer Berry Granola (3/4 cup with 1/2 cup 1% milk)
385 calories
10.5 g fat (2 g saturated)
19.5 g sugars

DID YOU KNOW? Studies show that people underestimate how many calories are in restaurant meals by nearly 100 percent! Think you know healthy foods when you see them? Then I'll bet you'll be shocked by these 25 New Healthy Foods That Aren’t.

4. BEST DIP SNACK
Sabra Roasted Red Pepper Hummus (2 Tbsp with 10 baby carrots)
105 calories
6 g fat (1 g saturated)
200 mg sodium
2.5 g protein
4 g fiber

Hummus is composed primarily of chickpeas, which have been shown to help regulate blood sugar—probably due to their salutary balance of protein and fiber. Most of that fiber is insoluble, so it promotes colon health. One study even found that people who added chickpeas to their diet ended up taking in fewer total calories. Add to that a few baby carrots and you get the added benefit of vision-preserving, skin-soothing beta-carotene.

Not That!
Lay’s Smooth Ranch Dip (2 tbsp) with Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese Potato Chips (1 oz)
220 calories
15 g fat (1 g saturated)
390 mg sodium

Eat This, Not That! secret: You can lose 10, 20, 30 or more pounds while still eating your favorite foods, and without dieting, if you make smart swaps throughout your day. Feast on this delicious list of 15 Desserts That Burn Fat!

5. BEST DRINK
Lowfat chocolate milk (1 cup)
160 calories
2.5 g fat (1.5 g saturated)
25 g sugars
8 g protein

You probably know that dairy products are an ideal source of calcium, but did you know that calcium actually interferes with your body's ability to absorb fat? To enjoy that effect, though, you need the vitamin D, so thankfully dairy producers add it to milk. Regular, non-chocolate milk offers this benefit, but research shows that chocolate milk might have an edge on the white stuff. A study published in the International Journal of Sport Nutrition and Exercise Metabolism showed that participants who drank chocolate milk before mounting stationary bikes were able to ride 49 percent longer than those given a generic carbohydrate-replacement beverage. Keep that in mind next time you're about to head out for an afternoon gym session.

Not That!
Arizona Sports Lemon-Lime (1 bottle)
200 calories
0 g fat
52 g sugars
0 g protein

6. BEST CRUNCHY SNACK
Newman’s Own Organics Spelt Pretzels (20 pretzels)
120 calories
1 g fat (0 g saturated)
240 mg sodium
4 g protein
4 g fiber

Spelt is a grain related to wheat that packs more fiber and protein—and at 6 calories per pretzel, the dietary bang for your buck is undeniable. Over-saltiness is always a concern with pretzels, but the sodium level in this snack is mild. Combine that with Newman's Own's longstanding support for charitable causes—and, in Nell Newman's Organics company, a robust commitment to sustainable, organic farming—and you've got a product you'll proudly pluck from the shelf. Pair these with a hunk of cheddar to rope even more protein into your snack break.

Not That!
Newman’s Own Organics Salted Rounds Pretzels (16 pretzels)
220 calories
2 g fat (0 g saturated)
800 mg sodium
4 g protein
0 g fiber

ALWAYS REMEMBER: The key is finding snacks that are low in sugar and high in protein and fiber. Check out the Eat This, Not That! series, and try any of our 50 Best Snack Foods in America. They’ll help push the junk out of your diet—and the fat out of your body—by helping to keep you lean and full all day long!

Fears

2011-04-16T08:26:00.000-05:00

I am so in the zone right now. I workout twice a day. Strength training for 20-30 minutes in the morning, and a 3 mile walk in the evening. Eating 3 healthy meals, no seconds, with a healthy snack between each meal. Not eating after seven. I make sure to get enough sleep at night, and I drink plenty of water.

I feel great!!!

I need new clothes, but am going to hold off since I have 40 pounds to go! Not sure how though, as everything is super baggy on me.

I do have fears, however. It's still so fresh in my mind how it feels to be on the other side of the fence. I actually felt like I was just going to be heavy the rest of my life. I was just going to "enjoy" life and not stress about what I was eating. I had no desire to lose weight. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt as my sis would say. Lost and gained weight so many times.

Until I prayed about it. Prayed for the desire to lose weight! Prayed for strength and will power. Shared with God that I want to honor Him in every area of my life. And then things started to change. Something happened inside of me. It was like I just knew what I had to do. I knew how I had to eat and get active. I knew I didn't want to have health complications in my older years. (I was already starting to get aches and pains related to weight - including shortness of breath). I became embarrassed about my size and my lack of self control. I felt sluggish and miserable. I felt like it affected every relationship I had or could have.

God changed me from the inside out. God is changing me from the inside out. Some times before you get on your feet and run, you've got to get down on your knees and pray!!

My relationships are changing. I remember this from previous weight loss as well. Whether intentional or not, people respect you more and pay you more attention, when you are not heavy. Your relationships are richer. It is sad, but true!

A spark has been lit in my marriage. My husband is attracted to me again, and can't get enough of me. (Or at least more attracted to me). He tells me all day long how he misses me. This morning, he texted me "good morning beautiful". Little things like that have been missing from our marriage.

And this is after only 20 pounds! I'm not even half way there!

But I have fears. Recently I helped my mom move. As I was helping her hang her pants in the closet, I was like "darn, I wish these were my size". And she went on to say that they were actually a little small, and that she thought the manufacturer was making them smaller. She believed that! Rather then the idea that she is gaining weight! And it reminded me of when my pants started getting too tight. I wanted to blame it on the dryer. I remember unbuttoning my pants when I sat down because they dug into my stomach. I am so afraid of gaining that mentality back one day!!!

Will I get tired of my new lifestyle?
Will I gain back everything I've lost? (I haven't succeeded maintaining my weight loss - ever!)
Will my children follow in my "old" footsteps and be unhealthy their whole lives?
Will I be able to do this the rest of my life?
Will I make it to my goal?

I think the adversary is planting seeds of doubt and fear in my mind. He wants me to fail. I think I need to get on my knees again and pray for confidence to make it to the finish line and to stay there. Right after I workout!!

7 Secrets of Slim People

2011-04-08T07:15:00.000-05:00

I saw this article on yahoo, and found it interesting.

Ever notice how some women seem to stay slim without ever stressing about missed workouts or counting a single calorie? It seems unfair—and frustrating!—but those ladies might have some secrets the rest of us can steal. Turns out, you don’t have to completely overhaul your diet or exercise regimen to see fast and impressive results on the scale. In fact, recent research shows that sometimes it’s little, practically effortless changes to everyday habits that make the pounds fall off fast and forever. Try incorporating some of these simple, science-backed steps into your day-to-day life—it’s your turn to become one of those “naturally” slim lucky few!

Make time for tea
Women with the highest intake of catechins, antioxidants in tea that may accelerate fat burn, gained less weight over 14 years than those who sipped less, a study in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition reveals. White and green brews have the most catechins. Get brewing! I enjoy tea, so this isn't a problem for me. Only problem is I prefer it sweetened, and if I want to keep it low cal, that often means artificial sweeteners. Maybe I need to acquire a taste for unsweetened tea.

Move your workouts to the morning
Breaking a sweat before you sit down to breakfast can help you trim down faster, a study in The Journal of Physiology finds. Exercising on an empty stomach in the A.M. improves glucose tolerance, which spurs your body to shed fat. About a week ago I added a morning workout (30 minute shred by Jillian Michaels) to my regimen. It's only 20 minutes, but I do it before I eat, so it looks like I'm on track! I still do my 3 mile walk in the evening as well.

Join the breakfast club
If you don’t already have regular morning meals, it’s time to start: Lifelong early eaters have a waistline about 2 inches smaller than that of breakfast skippers, The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition reveals. An A.M. meal may rev metabolism; plus, it may cause you to make less of an enzyme that raises cholesterol. I've always been a breakfast girl, and my body is programmed to eat when I wake up. I'm trying to make my breakfast a little larger, as it is supposed to be better for you. (see article here).

Savor your food
Eating slowly and steadily can help you stay slim. People who took 30 minutes to eat a bowl of ice cream created more fullness hormones than did those who ate faster, a study in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism notes. Whenever you can, ditch distractions like the television while you’re dining so you can concentrate on enjoying the yummy food in front of you. This is an area I need to work at. I've always eaten my food fast. A few tricks that help are to put your fork down between bites, and to measure out your snack before eating it. Eating a bag of chips (even the baked kind) in front of the t.v. can be dangerous. I'm going to try and enjoy my snacks without distractions going forward.

Become a creature of habit
Eating at the same times every day and could help you drop pounds. When mice ate at scheduled mealtimes and fasted for 12 hours at night, their liver turned on genes that burned more sugar and fat, say scientists at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla, California. No, we’re not mice, but if something as simple as sitting down to dinner at 7 P.M. every night helps speed weight loss, why not give it a shot? This is me. I can tell you what the time is, according to my hunger pains! I guess it's a good thing!

Start with water
Downing two cups of H2O before meals helped people lose about 5 pounds more than those who said no to water, research from Virginia Tech reveals. Water is filling, so sippers ate 75 to 90 calories less. Enjoy a few cups of water while you prep a meal or before your entrée arrives at a restaurant to effortlessly keep calories in check. Water water and more water. I drink water all day long and with all of my meals. I've cut out all soda, but I have a cup of coffee with breakfast, green or white tea with lunch, and milk with dinner. At restaurants, it's strictly water.

Step on the scale

Dieters who weighed themselves at least weekly lost more weight than those who didn’t, according to research from the Minneapolis Heart Institute Foundation. Plus, the habit helped nondieters stay at a stable weight. Spotting scale swings early allows you to tweak your eating and exercise routine before pounds can pile up. I concur with this one. Your weight changes so much with water gain, muscle gain, monthly cycle or even if you've had a bowel movement! For me personally, I get discouraged when I weigh weekly, so I weigh monthly instead. That way if I gain a little, I don't even know it, and I don't fall off the wagon! Perhaps one day when I'm maintaining, I will weigh more often.

Month 3 weigh in 4/5/11

2011-04-05T05:53:00.000-05:00

Monthly loss: -5 pounds

Total loss to date: -19 pounds

Dang it!!! I really wanted to make 20 pounds. It would probably show on the scale tomorrow.

I'm happy that I'm down 19 pounds, but I'm a little discouraged that it is not more. I am not averaging my two pounds a week. I've added strength training on top of my 3 mile walk every day. I wake up early and do the 30 day shred with Jillian Michaels, and then in the evening I walk for 3 miles. I added 3-5 minute spurts of running to my walk, but it really bothered my hip, so the physical therapist told me to hold off until that is back to normal. I suppose I could start tracking my food, but I really want this to be a lifestyle I can live with, and I usually get discouraged when I track my food, so I think I will just keep my routine the same. I'm hoping the lower loss is due to muscle gain. That is the only thing that makes me feel a little better. Which hopefully means a bigger loss next month!

I'm looking forward to biking and walking outdoors. If Wisconsin ever sees nice weather again! I would really love to invest in a bike that fits my height, but doubt that is in the budget unless I come across a good used one.

Down almost 20 pounds in 3 months, hope to be 20 more by my daughters graduation in June, for a total of 40, but realistically it will probably be a total of 30 if my averages stay the same. I'll be half way to my goal!

Slow and steady wins the race.....I guess.

Eating out eating healthy

2011-03-30T09:26:00.004-05:00

My kids were on spring break last week, so we took an evening and went to one of our favorite city's an hour away, Green Bay. We love to eat at the Red Lobster whenever we go there, and I feel really good about how I ate! I can eat healthy and still eat out, this is exciting!

Of course I had my camera in tow. My youngest is definitely the clown of the family. Whenever I pull out my camera, he rarely cooperates or gives me a good face. See below. I'm still amazed at how big he has gotten. He now towers over my husband. At 14 he is at least 6 feet (last time we checked) and 220 lbs!!

So he can smile, occasionally, for the camera. Thanks J!

This is what happens when I try and get a picture of someone else, and he jumps in front of the camera!

Mother daughter shot

It really annoys B when J gets silly. Shown here my 220 lb son grabbed my sunglases and sat on dad's lap. Cracks me up.

Back to my post. I opted for the parmesan crusted tilapia, baked potato, and broccoli, instead of deep fried fish and french fries. For an even healthier choice, I could've chosen broiled fish, but I wanted to have a little fun!! I asked for margarine on the side, but they didn't have it!! Our waitress was very good though, and she suggested pico de gallo. It was delicious on the baked potato!! I actually got 2nds and 3rds on the picco. I'd take that over margarine any day! I love the cheddar garlic biscuits at this restaurant, so I allowed myself one, vs. 3. I ate it slowly and savored every bite!!

I should have looked at the calorie count before we went, but I checked it after. I actually didn't do too bad!! Here's what I found out: Half portion parmesan crusted tilapia (pictured) 430 calories, 20g fat (average broiled fish is 250-300 cal, 2-3g fat); baked potato 220 calories, 1g fat; Broccoli and picco de gallo I count as zero; cheddar biscuit 150 cal, 8 g fat. for a total of 800 calories, 29g fat. I ordered diet soda, which I haven't been drinking anymore because I'm staying away from artificial sweetener, and I couldn't stand the taste of it!! So I got my usual - water and more water! Now I wouldn't want this many calories every day for dinner, but not too bad for a night out at a fancy restaurant! (to compare I googled a Filet o Fish and medium fries from McDonalds and that would be 760 calories and 37g fat!)

B's admirals feast 1280 Cal 73 fat, Cheddar biscuit 150 cal 8 fat, 2 sodas 200 cal. Total 1630 cal 81 fat!!

I enjoyed every bite of my meal and didn't feel sick afterwards!

Tuesday will be another month since my last weigh in. I'm getting pretty excited about it!! I really hope I reached 20 lbs!! Today I'm starting a new workout with Jillian Michaels - the 30 day shred! It says you could lose 30lbs in 30 days. I'm considering putting it to the test!

We all fall down!

2011-03-23T20:55:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a little rough. It was a looooong, slooooow, boring day at work, and when I got home, the kids were stressing me out a little. Lately I've been feeling really hungry too, so I was eating everything in sight! I know I ate too much by the end of the night, and I was even too bummed to walk. Instead I sat on my behind and watched a movie with my husband.

But today! Today I picked myself back up by the boot straps. I was still feeling "funky" this morning. It doesn't help that the flowers are pushing through and the robins have arrived, and we are getting MORE SNOW!!!! I think part of my lousy attitude is due to lack of sun and warmth. I'm so ready for winter to be done and it keeps hanging on!!

See the poor little robins pecking around?

After moping around for a good part of the morning, I popped in a Biggest Loser boot camp workout. Then I came up and had a nutrient packed wrap and fresh fruit salad!!!

My wrap had low fat cheddar cheese, turkey, spinach, spring lettuce, tomatoes, avocados and light ranch dressing. On a "flat out" of course.

And the fruit was a purchase from Costco where we just purchased a membership. They have amazing produce!!! I think we will make good use of it!

Breakfast today was my weight control brown sugar oatmeal. Mid morning snack was yogurt with frozen blueberries added, lunch is pictured above, afternoon snack was home made low fat pumpkin spice muffins (see below), dinner was sloppy joe (barbecue) on a whole grain bun with chicken rice and carrots and a glass of 1% milk. My "after work out" snack was about 8 almonds.

So I feel like I am back on track!! I worked out this morning, and I did the treadmill this evening. I kicked it up a notch too. We watched Survivor while I was on it, and every time a commercial came on, I ran for the duration of the commercials. I hate running, but I think it's time to add something to my work out. My heart gets racing and my breath gets short. I hate the pounding on my feet and knees and my butt feels like it weight 50 lbs!! But, I did it!! And B even said I "looked like a natural". : ) I will continue to add these little spurts of running, even if it's not my favorite thing to do.

I look forward to riding my bike again. I think I could use a new one, as mine doesn't really fit my tall body. We'll have to see if it's in the budget this spring. Maybe I could find a good used one!!

Another hurdle overcome! Friday we are considering taking the kids to a hotel for their last night of spring break, but are not sure if it is in the budget. If we do, it should be a challenge for me to eat right and get my exercise in - but I will! Oh, I will!!

Enjoy the recipe!

Pumpkin Spice Muffins
Ingredients:
1 box spice cake mix
1 can pumpkin
1/2 cup applesauce
1/4 cup water

Directions:
Mix ingredients together with spoon. Spoon into 20 paper-lined muffin cups. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Number of Servings: 20

Nutritional Info:
Per Serving:
Calories: 117.8
Total Fat: 1.9 g
Cholesterol: 0.0 mg
Sodium: 169.2 mg
Total Carbs: 24.0 g
Dietary Fiber: 0.7 g
Protein: 1.4 g

Flatout bread

2011-03-19T13:07:00.001-05:00

I found a new food item that I'm rather enjoying! Flatout bread. I've always loved wraps, and basically you can wrap anything up in these! You can also use it for crust on pizzas, or bake to make cracker like chips. I found a bunch of recipes here: http://www.flatoutbread.com/category/recipes/ that I can't wait to try. Today I basically had my salad in a flatout. All my veggies (lettuce, tomato, red peppers, cucumbers, and avacado), sprinkled low fat cheddar cheese, some chicken lunch meat and ranch dressing and rolled it up. Yesterday I tried one at the local coffee shop and they made my grilled cheese on it. The sky is the limit, you can add as much or as little as you like. PBJ or PB and bananas, eggs and cheese, lunchmeat, etc. The "light" ones are only 90 calories, 2.5g fat, 9g fiber and 9g of protein!!

How about you? Have you had these before? What is your favorite way to eat them??

Breakfast for results

2011-03-15T07:22:00.001-05:00

O.k. all you non breakfast eaters! This one is for you! Breakfast is KEY in a healthy lifestyle, and it sounds like a big breakfast at that! I like to make sure mine is packed with high protein and a few carbs. Lately I've been eating Quaker Weight Control instant oatmeal - Maple and Brown Sugar. It's packed with 6g of fiber and 7g of protein. Sometimes I will have a fried egg sandwich on whole grain, or a high protein cereal like Kashi brands. Sounds like my breakfast is actually too small, so I think I'll start adding fruit to the menu.

When I start the day like this, I am much more satisfied until lunch, and don't crave any of the junk. Mid morning I always eat a yogurt (which is delicious with frozen blueberries in it), adding for more protein to scare away those cravings.

So listen to your mama!! Eat breakfast!!!

Big Breakfasts for Big Results

By Joe Wilkes

Breakfast. It seems like forever since Mom told us breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but one study shows it's actually true—she wasn't just nagging us. Breakfast is a key component of weight management: A study presented at the 90th annual meeting of the Endocrine Society showed that participants who consumed large breakfasts high in protein and carbohydrates followed by a low-carb, low-calorie diet for the rest of the day lost almost five times as much weight as the participants who followed a low-carb, high-protein diet throughout the day. So what's the big deal about breakfast? And what is a big breakfast anyway? It doesn't seem like the lumberjack special at the local diner would do much to get the pounds off, so what should we be eating?

The study supported the idea that when we wake up in the morning, our bodies want food. You've burned through all the fuel from the previous day, and now your body's ready to burn anything—even muscle—to get a jump-start on the day. And if you skip breakfast, muscle is indeed what your body will burn. Later in the day, your brain is still in starvation mode from breakfast (or lack thereof), so your body will store all the calories you eat as adipose tissue, or fat, to save up for the next day when you try to starve it again. This study also found that levels of serotonin, the chemical responsible for controlling cravings, were much higher in the morning, which is why breakfast is the meal so many of us are willing to skip. But if our bodies are left unfed, our serotonin levels drop, and our bodies' craving for sweets begin to rise throughout the day.

But before you hit McDonald's^® for their 800-calorie Big Breakfast, or worse, their 1,150-calorie Deluxe Breakfast, or you swing by Denny's^® for a 740-calorie Grand Slam^® or 950-calorie All-American Slam^® with hash browns, keep in mind these weren't the breakfasts the study participants consumed. The big-breakfast group had a 610-calorie breakfast as part of a 1,240-calorie day. Breakfasts included milk, lean meat, cheese, whole grains, a serving of healthy fat, and one ounce of chocolate or candy to defray the craving for sweets. The other group's participants consumed 1,085 calories per day as part of a high-protein, low-carb diet; only 290 of their daily calories were consumed at breakfast. Both groups were on their respective diets for 8 months. The high-protein group lost an average of nine pounds, but the big-breakfast group lost an average of 40 pounds. And, perhaps not surprisingly, the big-breakfast group complained less about cravings and hunger.

The big-breakfast group's breakfast consisted of 58 grams of carbs, 47 grams of protein, and 22 grams of fat. Study reviewers attribute some of the success of the big-breakfast group to the fact that the protein and healthy fats eaten kept the participants full and reduced cravings. They also said that nutritional requirements were well met and that there weren't empty calories consumed, because the breakfasts included lots of whole grains, fruits, lean proteins, and healthy unsaturated fats. So bad news for the lumberjack-special devotees—a big plate of greasy hash browns, bacon, and biscuits with gravy isn't going to get the job done, unless the job we’re discussing is clogging your arteries.

Random thoughts

2011-03-13T22:28:00.000-05:00

Foremost on my mind is Japan. My heart hurts for them. I feel helpless and wish there was some way I could help. I've considered donating to Red Cross, it wouldn't be much but every little bit helps right? Of course they are lifted in prayer, I just wish I could do more.

I ate garbage this week. Twice. Once when we went out to eat on our anniversary. B ordered a bloomin onion (deep fried onion), and we shared it. I felt so sick afterwards! No more of that disgusting deep fried stuff for me! So the positive in that is that I learned a lesson and next time will say no. Then, Friday B and my daughter C went for a run to Dairy Queen. I was feeling "hungry" all day, and all it took was a mention to go and I was there. I asked for a mini blizzard to keep it lower in damage, but they goofed and gave me a small. It was good to the last drop though, and I did go home and walk the treadmill for 45 minutes. I'm sure I won't go the rest of my life without the occasional treat.

Well, the clocks have "sprung ahead" here in the Midwest. Now if spring would only arrive. March is the longest month of the year, I swear. I always get anxious for sunshine and warmth and tired of looking at all the white stuff on the ground. I just have to remind myself of the beautiful flowers and lush greenery it will bring!

My son is eating us out of house and home. Literally. He's 14, 6 ft tall and 220 lbs with a size 11 shoe. The boy is never full and always hungry. I have to hide and stash food, and whatever I don't is gone in a day. Some day I will look back and laugh, but right now, it is not so funny.

My oldest daughter K has recently gotten involved in a brand new baby church that is just starting out. I am so excited for her! That her and her family are in the midst of such a big undertaking. What's even more exciting is that she is excited! My daughter, a disciple of God. If you are reading this, please lift this new church in prayer. Pray that they would keep their vision, that they would reach the lost, that God would provide the funds that they need, and that God would show K and her family how He wants them to be involved. I appreciate it.

My youngest daughter C is preparing for college. It's really happening. The mail is coming in for her to sign up for food plans and housing and financial aid. Next year at this time we will be down to one child. God has some work to do on my heart!!

I cleaned my cupboards today. I really have a hard time letting go of things. My hubby wanted me to get rid of some of our "rugrats" bowls that the kids ate out of when they were little. I couldn't do it. I made a special spot for "kids dishes" so my grandkids can use them some day. Sigh. I swear I am the biggest sentimental sap. Drives him crazy because he wants to throw everything away.

Gas is up to $3.49 a gallon. It is eating up our paycheck. Soon and very soon, we are going to have to make some lifestyle changes. I worry it will affect my ability to jump on a plane and see my daughter and grandson. I'm sure airfare is the next thing to go through the roof.

Speaking of, there is a big huge hole in my heart that needs to be filled with some grandson love. He's getting his third tooth in now. I imagine any day he'll figure out how to walk. I miss him so bad it hurts.

The dryer has stopped. I'd better go get the clothes out and fold them. Just felt like writing what is on my mind tonight.

Peace out.

Anniversary Prayer

2011-03-10T07:27:00.001-06:00

Lord,

Thank you for your plan in bringing B and I together. At times it seems like we aren't perfectly matched, but that is the beauty of it. He is good for me and I am good for him. Together we mold and change into the couple that you designed us to be. I have much to be thankful for. He keeps laughter in our home, food on our table, and love in our hearts. I pray for him today Father, that you would continue to work in his life. He has come so far since that first day he placed his trust in You, and I get to watch the miracle take place. I pray for continued growth - that you set his heart on fire for you and allow him to change in the areas he needs to be more like you. I pray you continue to bless our marriage, that our love for each other would continue to grow, that we would be unified with you. Help us to be an example to our children and grandchildren.

Thank you for the last 21 years. I pray for many more years with him by my side.

In Christ's precious name,

Amen

6 Ways to Fire Up Your Metabolism

2011-03-09T08:05:00.002-06:00

Found this article and thought it was "share worthy"

6 Ways to Fire Up Your Metabolism

By Monica Ciociola

It can be discouraging when your results don't seem to match the efforts you're putting into getting in shape. But instead of giving up on your fitness program, or worse, diving into the Twinkies^® (trust me, you'll regret it!), try making just a few easy changes to your diet and your lifestyle. Sometimes the smallest things—like getting more protein in the morning or enough rest at night—can lead to the biggest weight loss surprises.

Don't skip breakfast. Eating lean protein in the morning will help get your metabolism revved up for the day ahead. Protein from egg whites, for instance, will help stabilize your blood sugar, make you feel fuller, and keep you from overeating later in the day. I totally agree - when I eat eggs or my high protein oatmeal, it stays with me much longer then cereal or a waffle. Breakfast is a must! I also notice when I eat a high protein snack, it is way more satisfying - especially after a work out! I usually opt for yogurt or low fat string cheese.
Resistance training. Working out with some form of resistance—resistance bands, weights, or a stability ball—helps build your muscles. And because one pound of muscle burns way more calories than a pound of fat does, the more muscle you have on your body, the higher your metabolic rate will be. Okay okay! I'll add some resistance training!
Interval training. Short 10-minute explosive cardio sessions followed by less intense cardio for the same amount of time will rev up your metabolism.
Get your beauty rest. Human growth hormone works directly on cells to increase your metabolic rate by 15 to 20 percent and can only be produced during the hours of deep sleep. So make sure you get a good night's sleep! Never heard this one! Another plus to exercising - it makes for much better quality of sleep. I can actually sleep less now, and feel more rested. Work those human growth hormones!
The magic mix. At mealtime, try consuming lean proteins from chicken and white fish along with complex carbohydrates from fruits and veggies. This magical combination will speed up your metabolic rate as food is transformed into usable nutrients, and you'll build muscle and burn fat during the digestive process. Pretty much what my diet is. I try not to eat too many starchy carbs like white potatoes, corn, peas or rice. Whole grains and fruits and veggies are the way to go!
¡Ay, caliente! Studies show that hot peppers, spices, green teas, and caffeine can give your metabolism a sudden surge by stimulating the release of stress hormones. Interesting! I can handle some hot. I do like green tea, so it is true it helps you lose weight? Problem is I like it sweetened, and I've been staying away from artificial sweeteners so no diet green tea for me. Maybe I'll buy unsweetened green tea and add my natural sweetener - Truvia. I've also heard that ice cold water burns more calories because your body works harder to digest it - not sure if it's true or not, but I love ice in my water!

More goals for me to incorporate in my new lifestyle!!

Month 2 Weigh In 3/8/11

2011-03-08T07:28:00.000-06:00

Monthly loss: -6 pounds
Total loss to date: -14 pounds

Not quite my 8 lb monthly goal, but I'm happy with it. I had a few obstacles this month with a trip to Kansas, and some set backs with my hip (which meant a few days of no exercise).

I feel great about my new habits though. Managed to eat sensibly and keep up the exercise while on my trip. I find myself making much healthier choices that I never would've done before.

This change is different then any other diet program I've ever done. I can feel it. This time around, I am truly making a lifestyle change. Something I plan to stick with for the rest of my life! My health is now God focused. He is my strength and I desire to glorify Him in every aspect of my life, including this earthly temple that He lives in!!

The choices we make now affect who we are later. So many of the "older" people in my family have many health issues. Diabetes, high blood pressure, hip and joint problems, cancer, emotional illness....to name a few. I believe it is all tied to how we treat our bodies.

I for one plan to have a healthy mind, body, and soul!

For this next month, I want to increase my walking from 45 minutes (2.75 miles) to an hour, which I'm guessing will be 3 or 3.25 miles. I'd also like to add 2 days of strength training to firm up some of the flab and gain some muscle tone back. I'm sure this will look like a higher number on the scale, but I know it will be less in inches, and ultimately healthier for my body.

Thank you Father, you deserve all the praise in helping me be a new creation in you! Thank you for filling me with the desire and the will power to be this person! I pray for continued strength and motivation to be healthy and to be a light in your world. Amen!

Birthday trip 2/19/2010

2011-03-02T08:40:00.000-06:00

A little picture post on my recent trip to visit my grandson for his 1st birthday.

He will hold my hand for a little while, but my heart forever!!

Happy 1st birthday stinky, Grammy will love you forever and always!!

Weight Loss Devo

2011-02-27T07:24:00.001-06:00

I was reading one of my blog friend's daily devotions, and I had to steal it. It is exactly why I am on this journey this time around, and exactly why they are changes I am making for life!! I also feel it is exactly why this time I will be successful!! Thanks for the post Stephanie!

Colossians 1:10
That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God.

Joining the army requires good physical condition and discipline. This is especially true of the army of the Lord. God gave us our bodies, our minds, and our souls. They are tied closely together, and each is to be taken care of as well as we are able. There is no excuse for flabbiness of body, mind, or spirit. It is important that we strive not only to do what is good for our bodies, but also to avoid anything that might be detrimental. As we avoid temptation, we strengthen our wills and make them over in the image of our Lord Jesus Christ's own will.

Today's thought: When I look my best, I look most like Christ!

I might be coming back to this post and scripture often!

There and back

2011-02-23T21:19:00.002-06:00

"I'm not in Kansas anymore." :) Sorry, I had to say it.

I had a wonderful time visiting my daughter, son in-law, and grandson. I'm so thrilled that I was able to celebrate his first birthday with them!! I will post photos and stories soon. For now, let me share how I did with my new lifestyle!

I feel REALLY good about how I did on my trip. I ate sensibly, I drank my water, and I even exercised every day! There were a few "celebratory eats". I did have one tiny piece of chocolate fudge cake, and then the next day, one more. And I did sneak one peanut butter egg the last night at our hotel (bettcha didn't know K!! ;) But I honestly don't feel bad about it, because the rest of the time I was an angel!! And though I know I plan to eat healthy and exercise the rest of my life, I also know there will be times for celebration and vacation. As long as I can maintain my healthy lifestyle 90% of the time, I'm happy!!

In other good news, I'm up to 45 minutes on the treadmill!! I started at 20 minutes in January. Worked my way up to 30 by the end of the first week, and 40 another week later. I've been doing 40 since then, but felt like tonight I could go longer, so I went to 47 minutes tonight! Which came to 2 1/2 miles and 300 calories according to my treadmill. I FEEL GREAT!! I'm undecided if I should weigh myself tomorrow or not. I checked before I left for Kansas, so I could see how well I did, but I'm afraid if the numbers aren't good, I'll get discouraged. I'd like to stick to my once a month weigh in, but curiosity just may kill the cat!

While I was in Kansas, I went with my daughter K to see her physical trainer. The plan was to walk on the treadmill while she did her rigorous workout - only because I was concerned about the P.T. I've been doing on my hip. But Jenny promised to go easy on me, so I got to work out with my daughter. :) We were dying I will confess. Lunges are killer, and I'm finding it very difficult to squat down to the toilet! It's quite comical actually. But I feel stronger! My physical therapist gave me some minimal strength training I can start doing with my abs and hips and gluts, but I can't go full force until my hip is back where it needs to be. After doing only one week of my P.T. exercises, I'm 85 % there! I still have discomfort, but can tell it is improving!! I am becoming a healthier me! I'm so pumped.

I told my daughter the next time I see her in June, I WILL be thinner. I can't wait to reach that goal.

Here's a sneak peak of my sweetheart. More to come!

One year ago

2011-02-19T06:56:00.002-06:00

I became a Grandma! My heart will never be the same again! God blessed us with children, and then he doubly blessed us with a grandchild. Go here to read about that special day!

I love his big, dimply smile.
I love his gorgeous eyes.
I love that flock of hair on his head.
I love how he reminds me of his mommy.
I loved being a part of his pregnancy & birth.
I love that he loves to be sung to.
I love that he loves any kind of people food.
I love to play with him. Pat-a-cake, peek-a-boo, tickles.
I love that our family is smitten for him.
I love that I can find traits of B and I in him.
I love how happy he makes my daughter and son in-law.
I love that he breaks out in a smile when he hears my voice or sees my face.

I look forward to teaching him things. ABC, 123s, itsy bitsy spider.
I look forward to singing children's hymns with him.
I look forward to going to the park and zoo together.
I look forward to ice cream dates.
I look forward to sleepovers.
I look forward to Christmas programs and piano recitals.
I look forward to bed time snuggles.
I look forward to meeting his siblings.
I look forward to the rest of our life with him.

He has our heart completely.

Happy Birthday Levi! I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!! Forever and always!!

Old age and other things

2011-02-17T07:33:00.000-06:00

I never believed it, but it really is true. Once you turn 40, it's all down hill!

In the last week I found out I have slight arthritis in my hips, and that I need reader/bifocals for reading. Go me!!

Saturday my mom and I are headed to Kansas to see my firstborns!!! Firstborn grandson is having his first birthday. I'm going to burst with excitement! Living states apart like this is tearing me up!! I'm just so thankful I've managed to see them every few months. I really hope I can be a good girl, and eat healthy and exercise while I am there. Thank goodness they are trying to be healthy too!

My other two children have been home from school with horrible colds. Bad headaches, achy bodies, head congestion, sneezing, coughing. Pray with me that we don't catch the bug - at least until after we get back from the trip!

Last night we went window shopping for furniture. Hubby wants to get a new love seat for the rec room. It was kind of fun to be able to do this! It has been sooo long! It's kind of surreal being on the tail end of a trial. We have so much that we need &/or want, that our tax refund is going fast. I'm praying that He gives us wisdom, and that we don't lose control!

Today is my dad's birthday. He would've been 76. He died 4 years ago. I love that man with all my heart and miss him dearly. Happy birthday Pa! I imagine they are rejoicing with you in heaven! I can see you dancing! :)

In one week we are having a special night at church. Some time ago I suggested we do our own version of "cardboard testimonies", and it is a go! So B and I are going to give our own testimony about our recent trial. Take a peek at what that looks like.

www.rhchurch.org/pages/cardboard-testimonies/

See you on the other side of my trip!!

No pain no gain? Or a little pain a little gain?

2011-02-15T20:12:00.000-06:00

So I may have mentioned that since getting "active" again the 1st of the year, my hips have decided to act up. Seems so unfair to want to get healthy, and then when you try you are in pain! One of my readers commented that she had the same thing, and it was caused from leg length discrepancy (one leg shorter then the other). She got fitted for a lift and it took care of her pain! I pursued it with my doctor, because frankly 20 years of uncomfortable is a bit too long, and 3 years of pain all the time is def too much.

The doc recommended Naproxin aka Aleve. 1 or 2 per day. She then ordered x-rays. The result - a minor leg length discrepancy, and slight arthritis in the hips (I truly am a Grammy!!) The next step is physical therapy. Here is where the real eye opener comes in!!

I had my first visit tonight. She observed my hips, pelvis, and tail bone in various position, and had me do various exercises. What I learned is that my length discrepancy is not from the bones being uneven lengths (where a lift might help), it is from my pelvis "tilting". What causes that? Well, pregnancy contributes because what happens after pregnancy? We are out of shape!! The weakness of my muscles in my pelvis, hips and abdomen have allowed for the pelvis to tilt. Over time, the rest of your body starts to compensate! (also note my dad had the same problems, and although he was never pregnant, he was not strong in his core muscles!)

So the PT showed me some moves/exercises to get the muscles pulling the pelvis back where it belongs. She said I may continue to walk, as long as I do these exercises before and after. She also suggested I continue with the Naproxin and use some ice. I should hold off for a week or two on the other exercises that I wanted to start (strength training).

So the jist of the story is - being fat and lazy has given me a bad back!!

AND....since I was sore after therapy, walking did not sound fun, so I sat down at the computer and munched on some chips.

FAIL!

I have got to have exercise, and when I don't, I feel free to eat. Exercise is a MUST in my life! So when I'm in a little pain - a little weight gain is bound to follow!

Looking forward to a pain free back and stronger core. Just one more reason to take care of my body!!

Dinner

2011-02-09T07:21:00.001-06:00

This is what we had for dinner last night. I found it at cooksrecipes.com. Finally a stir fry recipe that we like!

Beef Vegetable Stir-Fry

1 MAGGI® Beef Bouillon Cube
1/4 cup hot water
3 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons dry white wine or water
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 pound lean beef sirloin steak, cut into 2-inch strips
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
2 tablespoons water
1 (16-ounce) package frozen mixed vegetables
1/2 cup 1-inch slices green onions (about 3)
Hot cooked rice for accompaniment (optional)

1. Dissolve bouillon in 1/4 cup water in small bowl. Stir in soy sauce, wine, cornstarch, ginger, and pepper.

2. Heat vegetable oil in large, nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add beef and garlic; cook, stirring constantly, for 3 to 4 minutes or until beef is no longer pink. Remove from skillet.

3. Heat 2 tablespoons water in same skillet. Add vegetables; cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 to 5 minutes or until vegetables are tender. Return beef to skillet; stir in bouillon mixture and green onions. Cook, stirring frequently, for 2 to 3 minutes or until sauce is thickened. Serve over rice, if desired.

Makes 4 servings.

8 lbs closer

2011-02-08T07:08:00.000-06:00

Month #1, down 8 lbs. That's almost one size. No wonder my clothes feel better. At this point I've lost my "holiday weight". Now to start losing the stuff that's been hanging on for awhile!

Lord, thank you for the strength you have provided me this month. Thank you for making me aware of my eating habits and my health. I desire to glorify you in all that I do, and that includes the way I eat. Help me to be strong against temptation this month Lord. Help me to be a better steward of my time, money, and body. Thank you for loving me and giving me the desires of my heart.

Matthew 19:26 With God all things are possible.

Who says walks are for exercise?

2011-02-07T18:40:00.000-06:00

The end of this week was a little rough. My monthly friend came on Thursday, and I was just too tired to walk. It was my first "skip" since I started 3 weeks ago. That very same day my daughter made brownies for her friend's birthday, and left half of the pan here. So I had two strikes against me - I didn't exercise, and I ate a brownie. But on the plus side, I only had one!

After grocery shopping on Saturday, there was no wind, and the sun was out. I jumped at the opportunity and went for a walk - outside!! It felt great. Usually when I walk (outside - not inside), I end up spending the time in prayer. I pray about many things. Lately I've been praying for the strength and discipline I need to be healthy. But then I began to reflect on all that He has done for us these last 2 1/2 years with B being laid off, and I was brought to tears. I realized how much He really loves me! He showed us continually how much He cares, and I was humbled, in awe, and brought to worship, right there on my walk. That is the first time I've ever been brought to tears of joy in a prayer!!

Tomorrow will be a month of my new lifestyle. I'm curious to see if I've made any progress on the scale. I hope so! Stay tuned! :)

End of a snowy day

2011-02-02T19:01:00.003-06:00

Just wanted to post a few of my favorite pictures from our second blizzard of the year! I did burn some calories shoveling today, so yay for mother nature!!

Enjoy.

Snowed in!

2011-02-02T07:32:00.001-06:00

Last night after work we had to go pick up gas for the snow blower in preparation for the blizzard headed our way. B wanted to stop at the local grocery store to get some "goodies". At first that sounded exciting! But then I remembered I am eating healthy now, and it's too soon for me to stray from that. So, I walked past all of my favorites while him and my son J shopped. We picked up food for a big breakfast, and I talked them into lowfat turkey bacon instead of the regular. They got their chips and their pies and I had my milk and turkey bacon, and we were on our way.

When we got home, I so wanted to dig into their goodies! We were snowed in. This is like a party! Why does every occasion have to be a reason to eat? I'm going to have to be strong all day today, as everything is shut down. None of us are going to school or work! The snow is up to the hood of our car, and the whole driveway is full!

As for last night I needed to get on the treadmill (which for a moment I thought about skipping), because if I didn't I would start eating. I grabbed 2 snacks for after, because we would be watching our show. The first snack was pretzels (18 to be exact) and the special treat was a little bit of home made ranch dip. The second was an orange, for the sweetness. It worked!!! I'm so glad I did it!!! I managed to not cave in to the temptation to binge, and to press on. I often catch myself quoting scripture - almost as if God is whispering to me to get through. "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" "Be still and know that I am God" "A righteous man may have troubles, but the Lord God delivers him from them all" "With God all things are possible" "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". This is where my real strength comes from.With God all things ARE possible!

I'm going to enjoy my cup of coffee and watch the snow happenings outside. Soon we will have our family breakfast. I'll enjoy my bacon and eggs - might even do an omelet! I'll pass on the pancakes. Later I'll get out there while he snow blows and burn some calories with the shovel. And for tonight, how about a "simple lasagna" for supper at 287 calories a slice? My daughter in Kansas is going to make it too, so we can have dinner together. : )

I'm going to enjoy this day being stuck at home with my family. Maybe tomorrow I'll have some snow tales for you!

Let it snow!

2011-01-31T13:36:00.000-06:00

Monday's are good for me. They are a day to start fresh after the ever challenging weekend. For some reason, Sunday's are difficult for me. I think it is because it is my one day off of exercise, and in my brain that must compute as eat all you want!! So when Monday rolls around, I am ready for a new start. Today I'm thinking - this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!! Psalm 118:24

I didn't do horrible horrible, but not good either. Breakfast started out fine, multigrain cheerios with banana and coffee. No snack because we were at church, so I missed my mid morning snack. After church my DH wanted to window shop at car lots, as both of our cars are dead! (Using mom's van right now). So by the time we got home it was after 1, an hour after the time I usually have lunch and way past my morning snack!!

Naturally, because I was so hungry, I wanted to eat the house. Just a reminder to never let yourself get that hungry, because then it is much harder to eat in moderation. I started with a cup of leftover chicken rice, which was fine. But that didn't seem to touch the void in my belly. Then I went back for some salsa with baked chips. And ate out of the bag vs. taking a serving size. Not horrible, but not nice either. Next I ate one of my gramwiches (see recipe below). I followed that with a 50 calorie devil's food cookie (which I keep on hand for the "dying for chocolate" times). Next was a yogurt. Still o.k. Then my son had left the white bread and peanut butter out, so I had two slices of that with peanut butter on it. I finally laid down for my weekly Sunday nap in hopes of not eating more!! When I woke up I had a cup of coffee, but "oddly" wasn't hungry. Then I was off to my youth leader meeting for the evening. It was 9 by the time that got done, and DH was hungry because we hadn't eaten supper. We went through the dreaded drive through. I was fairly good. I only ate a McDouble. No fries! Go me!! And that was my Sunday. Not very healthy, huh?

So this morning I had to step on the scale to see if my new way of eating is even working. I want to limit this to monthly, but the curiosity was killing me, so just to make sure it was actually working, I checked. In 3 weeks I've lost 6.5 lbs! I'm well on my way to my goal of 8 lbs a month. I need to lose at least 1.5 lbs this week. I'm thrilled because this new way of eating is working out well for me!

I can't believe I'm confessing this, but I'm actually glad for the foot of snow headed our way! The last few weeks, it has been making for a great workout!

THE WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY IS NOW IN EFFECT FROM 9 AM THIS MORNING TO 3 PM CST TUESDAY. A BLIZZARD WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM TUESDAY AFTERNOON THROUGH WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON.
* TIMING...HEAVIER LAKE EFFECT SNOW SHOWERS WILL DEVELOP TOWARDS MID MORNING AND PERSIST INTO TUESDAY. IN ADDITION AN UPPER LEVEL DISTURBANCE WILL INTENSIFY THE SNOW. ANOTHER STRONGER STORM SYSTEM WILL AFFECT THE AREA LATER TUESDAY INTO AT LEAST WEDNESDAY MORNING.
* SNOW ACCUMULATIONS...6 TO 8 INCHES TODAY INTO TUESDAY. ADDITIONAL 10 TO 12 INCHES! TUESDAY NIGHT INTO WEDNESDAY.

Let it Snow!!!

I made two recipes this weekend, one was new, and one is an old standby.

The first is a cream of broccoli soup recipe that I found at skinnytaste.com. A great resource for recipes. It turned out great!! The only thing I would do next time is not puree it so much in the blender, it was a little too creamy for my DH, and he would prefer a few more chunks. Only 189 calories per serving and quite filling!

The next one I found a couple of years ago in my Biggest Loser Recipe book. It is a great lo-cal alternative for dessert or ice cream. Not something you should eat every day because of the sugar content, but a nice alternative now and then.

Frozen Gramwiches - 90 calories!

1 whole graham cracker
2 T light whipped cream

Break graham cracker in half, spread evenly with whipped topping, top with remaining cracker. Repeat as many crackers as you'd like to make.

Transfer to a freezer safe, airtight container. Freeze for at least 2 hours or up to 1 month. Serve frozen.

I didn't have low fat graham crackers, so they would be even less if you used those! You could also buy the strawberry or chocolate flavored whipped cream, but I don't think those versions come in light.

Here's to a successful week!!

Ego boost

2011-01-28T22:01:00.000-06:00

Today I took daughter #2 to the walk in clinic because her eye was bothering her. When the nurse led us to the room she looked at me and said "you're not her mom are you?" And I said "yes". To which she replied "no way! you like like you could be sisters!!" *really big grin*

Not sure why it is such a compliment but it is. Not only is she a young 18, but she is beautiful and sweet. I'm sure I was grinning from ear to ear. I've been told many times before that my oldest daughter looks like me as well. I take joy in knowing that my girls resemble me, even if I don't always see it. I think some of it has to do with mannerisms, characteristics, and attitudes. But genes are a part of it too. There's something about a piece of you carrying on to the generations ahead.

I wonder if this is how our Father feels about us?

Breathing room

2011-01-27T18:40:00.000-06:00

My clothes are starting to feel not so tight! yay! I can breath!

And I've been drinking way more water. I drink a lot to begin with. At least 4 water bottles a day. But I'm upping it to more like 8. Once you get into the swing of it, you can't get enough anyway.

Bad headaches today though. Not sure if it is sugar withdrawal or hormones.

What did I eat today?

About 1 cup multigrain cheerios, 1/2 cup 1% milk.
Coffee with creamer and natural no cal natural sweetener - Truvia

No time for snack

Lunch was yummy brownberry multi grain "nutty bread" with turkey, LF cheddar cheese, lettuce tomato and a swipe of light mayo. Just a few pretzels and an apple.

Snack was yogurt.

Dinner - Lipton rice and sauce - Chicken oriental. I added chicken and mixed veggies.
1 cup 1% milk.

Snack will be an orange &/or popcorn.

My bad hip has been acting up. Usually does when I start adding a lot of activity (walking). I'm going to try taking fish oil supplements for awhile. It's supposed to help with the joints. Hope it works! I need to stay active!

Now off to walk the treadmill while we watch some Battlestar!

Wee Bit of Me!

2011-01-27T07:12:00.000-06:00

Found this on another blog, and thought it would be fun!

{one} how tall are you?Well I used to be 5'10 1/2, but I'm quite certain I've shrunk.
{two} besides bills, what do you spend most of your money on?Bills are a pretty big chunk! I guess food would be next. Then gas. Eating out. Rarely on me!
{three} what are your three favorite websites?Facebook, Blogspot, and Yahoo mail are the 3 things I faithfully check.
{four} what brand of tennis shoes do you prefer?One's that come in my size! 10 1/2 are hard to find. I have New Balance right now, and they are a few years old. I need a new pair desperately!
{five} what food can you absolutely not stand to eat?Raw beef. Nasty.
{six} How many pairs of jeans do you own?Right now I have two pair that fit, one that I don't care for. Fun!
{seven} if you could have any job, what would it be?Pediatric nurse on the OB floor.
{eight} have you ever ridden in an ambulance?Yes. :( When my dad was dying of cancer.
{nine} how many pillows do you sleep with?2. One under my head, one to hug. Then I roll over and on the other side hug my hubby. :)
{ten} on a scale of 1-5, how organized are you?4. Pretty organized. Everything has it's place and my ducks have to be in a row!

Holiday Party

2011-01-23T12:31:00.000-06:00

Last night was my work holiday party. You know, get all dressed up and pretty, have some fancy hors d'oeuvre, shrimp and steak, cheesecake!

I started out extremely discouraged. Got my house work done and managed to jump on the treadmill before getting ready for my party. Don't ask me why I waited until that moment to find something to wear, I'm not usually a procrastinator. I have several cute dressy dresses and tops for just such an occasion, but as I tried them on, one by one, I realized I was in trouble. They didn't fit! Talk about a kick in the gut. I've have been doing extremely well with this new way of life, but at that moment realized just how bad I let myself go. It really let all the air out of my happy balloon. I had just read how my niece was going to her holiday party and had two dresses to pick from, so I jumped on the phone to text her if I could borrow the other. She gladly obliged, only now I had to spend the next hour traveling to get it. After a quick shower and dried hair, mom and I hopped in the van and headed out. The dress was cute and it fit - thank you Lord!! Thank you Holly!!! I'll post a picture later this week once I get a copy - if I like how it turns out.

After returning from my little side trip it was time to get ready. It was already 4:30, the time I wanted to leave. I tried asking my younger daughter to help curl my hair, but she refused. :( I was rather disheartened by this. Part of the fun of having girls is dolling each other up. But she wanted no part. Her computer was more important. So I attempted to curl it all myself, which was going o.k. until I got to the back of my head. Couldn't get it, so I tried straightening it all out again, and then semi curling it, and finally gave up and pulled it back. It was not very "pretty" at all, and after going through my closet, I didn't feel the least bit pretty.

I was concerned about all the temptations that lie ahead, but kept repeating the bible verse in my head "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength". We ended up leaving an hour late, which was o.k. because it only meant we missed the hors d'oeuvres. The 50 minute ride was nice as B and I had time to chat and catch up on life. When we arrived I noticed they still had fresh fruit out, so I stocked up on pineapple!

Here is what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast:

A bowl of mulitgrain cheerios with 1/2 cup 1% milk.
Coffee with fat free french vanilla cream

Lunch:

Leftover rice and chicken with broccoli
yogurt

Snack:
Apple

Party:

Pineapple
Salad
Tomato bisque soup
Chicken breast
4 breaded coconut shrimp
1 scoop twice mashed potatoes
1 large serving steamed veggies
1 small glass of wine cooler

I allowed myself one drink and quit. I skipped the rolls that were passed around. I skipped the cheesecake with optional toppings for dessert. (most people were taking 2 pieces!)

I'm pretty proud of myself. All in all, I think I did great. I'm getting used to these new habits!!

Today should be another challenge as we head to friends in a little while for a Packer party. (GO PACK!!) I'm making hormel chili dip for them. I decided also to bring carrots, celery, and peppers with low fat ranch dip, as well as licorice. I made a birthday cake for B, as tomorrow is his birthday.

Here is what I plan to eat:

Veggies and dip (approximately 2 tablespoons)
9 tortilla chips at 140 calories with a small spoon of taco dip
2 pieces licorice - 80 calories (instead of birthday cake!)
Lots of water

I had a piece of Brownberry multigrain toast with peanut butter for breakfast with my cup of coffee

2 hard shell fresco tacos for lunch from taco bell (these are the tacos with no cheese, but salsa/cilantro instead)

Dinner will be 3 slices of cheese pizza, salad, and a cup of milk

And If I'm still hungry later, I will probably eat a piece of fruit.

After the game I have to make B's favorite oatmeal cookies to bring to work for his birthday treat. Sure hope I can pass them up! They are so good and cookies are one of my weaknesses. Cookies and french fries are my "red light" food. I try not to have them around. Ever. Maybe I'll give the kids each one cookie and send the rest with him to work!

Kind of anxious for Tuesday to come, to see how I did this week.

Praying for strength! And for a Packer win!! :)

New year, new me

2011-01-21T23:25:00.000-06:00

Thought I'd share and document the beginning of a new and healthier me! God gets the glory in all I do, even in this stage of my life. For the last year or so, I have had no desire to do anything about my weight. I've been on some sort of diet since I was in high school. Many times I've succeeded, losing 30 pounds or more, reaching my goal a couple of times, but never keeping it off. I'd had just about enough, and lost any desire to try it again.

This time is different. This time I am making changes I want to keep for life. The change of attitude is actually something I prayed for. I prayed that He might give me the will power and the discipline and even the desire I needed to get healthy. He is that good! I am now pumped and ready to do this!! Ultimately, I desire to be a good steward in every area of my life - including eating. Titus 2:4 then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. I believe when the bible talks about being self controlled, that it is talking about ANY area of our lives. Eating, drinking, money, speech, any area that you need to show control in. My weight is an outward sign that I have lost control, and I am not being a good steward of the body that God has given me or the food that He provides.

So my journey begins. Next you will see my plan. Not a weight watchers plan or a biggest loser plan or some doctors plan, just a smart, simple, attainable plan.

Because of my years of experience in the dieting world, I pretty much know how many calories are in an item (for example an apple is 50), and what a portion size is. This is good, because I am not counting calories this time around, I'm being sensible. My meal plan consists of 3 healthy meals and 3 healthy snacks. When I have a meal, I always try and include at least one fruit or vegetable, and I take only one serving. Never more, unless it is vegetables. I understand that leaner and more natural is better, and I aim for that, but when I can't, I just stick to my one serving. For example, if we are having pizza, I will opt for 3 slices of cheese pizza verses 4 slices of pepperoni. If we are having something cheap and not as healthy, like Hamburger Helper, I will only eat a cup of it and stock up on the veggies.

When I choose a snack, I try to choose something with protein in it, as it controls your hunger and is better for you. I.e. I might have a string cheese with a couple of pretzels or a yogurt or an apple with peanut butter.

I've always drank lots of water, but I'm increasing it as it helps curb your appetite and flush out fat. Colder is better - your body actually burns more calories digesting it. I'm staying away from diet soda, but allow my self a cup or two of coffee a day. I try not to ingest too many artificial sweeteners, but from time to time will have a Crystal Light raspberry lemonade in my water.

I NEVER eat after 7 p.m. My routine usually consists of eating dinner, cleaning up dinner, and walking the treadmill for 30 minutes while watching our favorite show. By then, it's often too late for a snack and I'm not hungry anyway, but if am, I keep it light. Popcorn is always good. A piece of fruit, pudding, or even a graham cracker.

I'm starting out slowly increasing my activity. Right now, I walk the treadmill every day but Sunday for 30 minutes. I'm on week two, and already feeling the need to increase to 40 minutes, as it's getting easier. I also plan to add the Biggest Loser Workout dvd, and will probably switch off so I don't get bored. I can't wait for nicer weather so I can walk and bike outdoors!! I try and look for ways to burn extra calories, like parking farther away, taking the stairs, or shoveling for my hubby. Either way, I figure less calories and more activity has to be a recipe for success.

I'd be happy with 5 lbs a month, and happier with 8. At minimum, that's 25 lbs by June. Hopefully another 25 by fall. In the end I'd like to be down 60 lbs. Having been there before, I know that thin feels really good and does wonders for your relationships. It gives you confidence, a brighter outlook and helps you to be "present" for those around you. Not to mention what it does for your sex life!! :)

So M.A.P. are the keys to my success. Moderation, Activity, and Prayer.

I'll keep you posted. And by the way, I lost 3 lbs the first week.

Twenty-ten in a nutshell

2011-01-02T22:40:00.000-06:00

My daughter persuaded me to do a photo memory post for 2010. It turned out to be more work then I thought, but fun to reflect on the year gone by.

1. Me!

Who likes pictures of themselves? Not I. It was tough for me to find one, but I went with this one, because I'm doing one of my favorite things....spending time with my grandson!

2. I Love You

I married my high school sweetheart and still love him with all of my heart after 20 years of marriage! This shot was captured at a family photo shoot this summer - in between poses.

3. Still Laughing

My daughter can't understand why I like this one so much, but it just cracks me up. Every time he goes out in the wind he gets this goofy face and has to give it a "taste". He can be so silly!

4. Winter Wonderland

This shot was taken after our first "blizzard" of the year. I went for a walk after things calmed down to capture some photos, and my 14 year old son joined me. Not only did I get some good photos, I spent quality time with my youngest!

This shot was taken early part of 2010. Each year I make a trip to this camp with our youth group, and it feels like God's country. So beautiful and serene. You definitely feel His presence while you are there.

5. Birthday

Twenty-ten marks the year my man turns the big 4-0.

Twenty-ten is also the year our first grandchild was born. He has my heart completely and I absolutely LOVE being a "Grammy"!!

6. Friends

This summer we attended the wedding of our newest friends. Love these guys!

Remember the winter camp I mentioned earlier? Here is a shot of me and the girls!

The two J's. Only 3 years apart! Grew up together. Their dad's are best friends, and I hope they can be one day too!

7. I Was Inspired

When asked to post a picture of my inspiration I had to post some of my family. They truly inspire me to be a better person, to love deeper, and to leave a legacy. After God, they are what/who I live for!!

8. Spring Fever

I had a tough time finding a spring picture. I realized I don't take many photos in the Spring, and I will need to change that this year, as there are so many beautiful shots to be had!! This one was taken in the mountains in Arizona while we were on vacation.

9. Vacation

My husband - here is a man who truly looks up to his father.

My in-laws moved to Arizona last fall. We were given this trip by our sweet daughter as a gift. It was such a blessing as we were in the middle of a 2 1/2 year layoff and we really missed them. I would say I wish we could go retire with them, but I don't want to wish my life away. Arizona is much prettier then I thought!!

10. Summer Days

Summer-my favorite season. 3 generations, the beach, and a picnic. Great memories.

11. All Smiles

My siblings and I with our mom when my sister was out for a visit.

I have used this photo many times this year. My grandson and I at the beach. Don't we look happy?!

My oldest daughter took my youngest daughter's senior pictures. Isn't she beautiful?!

My mom and her great grandson. So precious. Look at those dimples!

12. Autumn Harvest

A family visit to Kansas to see my oldest daughter and her family. This is our trip to the pumpkin farm wanna be.

13. Family

Me and my siblings in birth order.

My youngest nephew is sooooo sweet! This and the one above our from our family reunion.

The ones I would die for!

14. Celebrate!

15. Let's Do It Again...

We REALLY want to visit Arizona again!

16. I Miss You

My in-laws retired and moved away. We spent a lot of time with them, and can truly feel their absence!

My little Kansas family

4 years ago my Dad passed away a month after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He died just before Christmas and not a day goes by where I don't miss him. I still tear up when I look at photos of him.

17. Beautiful

Sunsets are "it" for me. They bring me right into the presence of God and bring me such peace!

18. Dress Up

My youngest daughter is a talented artist. She makes these furry costumes and goes to the conventions. This trip I went along with her. It was quite the experience!

19. Holidays

Nothing fancy about this picture, but it means everything to me. To have my entire family around the dinner table. My daughter felt bad she couldn't get us gifts this year, but the gift of their visit from Kansas is something I will treasure forever!

20. Just Because...

I caught this photo at my nephew's first birthday. I love the reflection!

21. My Favorite

Choosing a favorite was very difficult, and frankly, I was running out of time. These make the top of the list at least. First photo, my darling nephew taken by my talented daughter. Second shot is my grandson looking at me. I feel it captures his love for me.

Looking forward to twenty-eleven and more memories created with the ones I love!!!

Hustle n Bustle

2010-12-17T22:47:00.000-06:00

This time of year is always so crazy busy. I hate that it has to be so stressful, but hard as I try, it fills up with busyness quickly!

But tucked between those busy days are moments where memories are created. I thought I'd jump on quick and journal a few before I head off to get some rest for the busy day ahead!!

Recently we took our second born to visit college #2. UW Stout. It was a stretch for us because it is 5 hours away, and 5 hours away is not cheap by the time you fill the gas tank not once, or twice, but three times. Or by the time you book a hotel room, even if it is at a not so pleasant Econo Lodge with a weird pink bush in the lobby for a Christmas tree. Tack on a few meals, and you are at least $150 in the hole. Not easy to swallow when you can't pay the bills or buy Christmas gifts! My heart feels guilty and sad that I have to make daughter #2 pay for half of the trip!

So, we begrudgingly head out on the icy roads in the dark to make our trip way "up nort". B is up to his ears in orders for his wood creations, and has deadlines to meet. Throw in the fact that it is his last week of school and crunch time! I'm trying to figure out when I'll get my to do list done, or how we will get my son to work while we are away. C is disappointed to miss school on this day, and and and...

As you can see, our attitude when we left was not very good. But, turn on some 80s music and break out the licorice, and things start to seem a bit brighter. Drive time in the car makes a great time for discussion with our not so young daughter who will soon be fleeing the nest.

Needless to say - we all LOVED the college. It was amazing! Tuition was very reasonable, and the best part is it was pretty much all inclusive!! She will even walk away from college with a Mac laptop that they give her when she is a freshman, and then replace her junior year!! The dorms come with the fridge, microwave, and loft beds as well as free wi-fi and cable hook ups. They don't have to buy their books, they just borrow them, like from the library. Meals are included in the tuition and anything you don't use they will reimburse!!! Who does that these days? There were tons of options for extracurricular, and plenty of stores and restaurants in walking distance. They even have a clinic on campus for those sore throats and illnesses. No extra cost! You only pay a copay for your prescriptions. To top it off, they are known for their art programs, and 97% of their students get jobs right after they graduate. Not only that, but she can work at the school and all of her earnings are applied to her tuition. We are so pumped!

Now I just need to prepare my heart for the separation. I never knew watching my kids leave home would be this difficult! First my oldest, her husband and my grandson moved away - all the way to Kansas. Now my 2nd born is hoping to go 5 hours away. It is really hard to swallow. I'm realizing more and more how much a part of my life my girls are. I truly consider them my friends, and it's hard not to have them around.

Next we get to fill out the college application, scholarships, and financial aid forms. And fast! We'll squeeze that in between the holidays....some how.

Speaking of, my mom has been spending the last few days here, and last night we frosted our cut out cookies. I had to twist mom's arm to help, as it is not a feat she enjoys. But I'm glad she did. Her cookies were the funniest, and she kept cracking up at herself. Christmas music in the background, sprinkles on the floor, and three generations of girls sitting at the table. One of those memories that will forever be burned in my brain.

I'm curious to see how the next week will play out. I'm not even sure yet if we will be able to buy Christmas gifts, but I feel like God has something in store for us. I've only baked one batch of sugar cookies - a far cry from my usual variety. Wondering if we will be able to make chocolate covered pretzels or spritz cookies this year. Wondering when we will find the time! Cleaning? Shopping? Baking??

Tomorrow we take another "road trip". 6 hours round trip to Illinois, to pick up a FREE washer and dryer from a friend of a friend! We have been without a dryer for about 3 weeks now, and it is a PAIN!! Instead of garland and strands of popcorn strung around, you will find laundry drying in our home. Said friend prayed about a family who could use a washer and dryer, and guess who God brought to her mind?! :) So we will gladly spend the time in the car and pay the gas money, to go pick up a new washer & dryer that is less then 5 years old. I will not dwell on the precious hours ticking away, but the precious dollars we couldn't afford that our friend graciously offered to us! That and the fact that our friend of generous friend is loaning us his van for the trip, for fear ours won't make it! And the fact the a different b/f/f tried to discreetly slip a little cash our way to help with these road trips. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes that we are extremely blessed and loved, and for that, so thankful.

So, amidst the hustle and bustle, I will record precious moments in my memory and be thankful for what I have instead of grumbling about what I don't have.

Looking forward to a visit from my little Kansas family in exactly 12 days!

One last thing....since we are talking about memories, I can't forget to mention today marks the 4th year of my dad being gone from this earth. It's still so hard to believe he is gone, yet I do my best to relish the good times, the love, and the security he brought to my life. I wish I could've had more time with him, but I know I will see him again...from the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes! I love you so much Pa!! A bushel and a peck!!

Wordless Wednesday - Time flies. 18 years old.

2010-12-08T13:12:00.001-06:00

Thanksgiving thanks

2010-11-25T17:28:00.000-06:00

Dear baby boy...

It is your first Thanksgiving and I cannot be with you, which makes Grammy a little sad. But it's o.k. because I know you are having fun with mommy and daddy and your friends! I hope they spoil you like I would and give you some mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes and maybe a lick of whipped cream!

Grammy has so much to be thankful for this year. God was extremely good to Grammy and Grampy. He took care of us when Grampy did not have a job. We are richly blessed! And just yesterday we found out that Grampy got a new job that he will start in January. We were so excited that we wanted to dance and sing!

But most of all stinky boy, I am thankful for you!! This is the year that you were born, and your life has brought me so much joy! When I think of you I smile. My heart smiles. I brag about you to everyone I talk to. Each day I look forward to when we will see each other again! I look forward to watching you grow up, and hopefully being a big part of your life. You are in my thoughts, my prayers, and my conversations. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you.

I look forward to our next visit, when we can play pat-a-cake or sing twinkle little star. When I can hold you close, cheek to cheek.

So on this Thanksgiving day I want you to know that you are a gift to me. I will love you for always. A bushel and a peck.

xoxo

Grammy

Tough love

2010-11-15T18:46:00.000-06:00

*sigh*. Why does tough love have to be so "tough". Why am I so dang soft?? I know it only hurts them more in the long run if we don't enforce this a little.

My youngest, 14 year old son, is getting horrible grades again. Just had a conference with his teacher. I love/hate those things!!! They ALWAYS make me feel like the worst parent in the world. At least with him they do. With the girls, it was good to hear what good students they were!

Bottom line, J is lazy. He doesn't like school or anything else that he has to put some effort into. He feels it's a colossal waste of time. "Busy work".

But what we can't get through his head is how important school is to his future!!! He is a natural with computers and electronics, and if he wants a job he enjoys, he HAS to crack down and get a grip.

So now we have come up with a plan, and it's gonna hurt a little. It will be work on our part as well, as we check his assignment notebook every night and offer consequences when it is not done. We will have to enforce his study time more diligently, and frankly, I'm not looking forward to the fight, but in the end, it needs to be done if I want him to have any sort of chance at happiness in his future career.

Ask me three things I've always anticipated with dread. 1. Potty training 2. Teen years 3. Parents dying

We are giving him a month to turn things around. If not, he has to quit his job. Time to get on my knees!

Fall

2010-11-07T21:01:00.000-06:00

So....my favorite season is summer, but let me tell you what fall brings:

Beautiful leaves painted by God above
A different smell in the air then that of summer
Pumpkins and gourds and indian corn
Sweaters and down comforters
Turkey with mashed potatoes and all the fixins
Warm apple crisp (a new fav thanks to my daughter!)
Caramel apple lattes and fuzzy slippers
Thoughts of Christmas around the corner
But best of all, time spent with family!
What does fall mean to you?

14 years ago

2010-10-23T08:40:00.000-05:00

at 7 p.m. my son made an appearance into the world! It was my easiest labor. He was the blessing I had prayed for!

From the get go he liked to eat. And still does today. It's probably worse then ever now because I swear he grows an inch a day. At 14 he is 5 feet 11 with a size 13 shoe. I don't think there is a minute in the day when he is not hungry. Before my dad died, he predicted J would be 6 ft 2. I'm starting to think he might be taller then that.

He's always been able to make us laugh. From little on. He still has a great sense of humor, and loves to make people laugh!

His favorite things right now?? Video games. Computers. Electronics. He has a natural ability to problem solve anything related to these items, and has fixed various video game units for his friends. Recently, the school gave him 3 of their old broken down computers, and he took them apart and pieced them together to make one working computer.

Over the last year, he and his dad built their own arcade unit from scratch. They made the outside from wood. Found an old computer and got the necessary programs running, ordered the joy stick and buttons, and decorated it. It looks like an authentic arcade unit - and works like one too!

He also likes to take apart bikes and fix them. Or piece them together. But that is usually after he has destroyed one of ours. He is very hard on bikes.

His favorite activity? Garbage picking. Especially in the summer. He loves to go out on his bike with his garbage picking buddies on garbage night and look for treasures. He also goes to the town dump, and when ever we are near it, we have to drive through to see if they have anything. He found an old nintendo unit once. Scored a flat screen monitor another time. Found various bikes, and of course lots of junk to clutter up our home! He loves a good deal as well - and enjoys shopping at resale shops or rummage sales.

School he could do without. Pretty much hates it. And his grades reflect it. He's not one to sit and listen to lecture, his mind wanders. He's very disorganized and forgetful, which causes getting assignment in on time a real problem. Our biggest struggles with him would have to be school, and keeping things clean. Neat, he is not.

He doesn't have much use for his faith right now. Which is difficult to swallow, but I've prayed for him since he was a babe, and I won't stop now. He trusts in what Christ did on the cross, but that's as far as his relationship goes. I think to him right now it just looks like a bunch of rules to follow, rather then a personal relationship with a loving God who created him. My heart tells me that some day God is going to use him in mighty ways though, so I will not get discouraged.

He is tender hearted. Probably one of my favorite things about him. I think he will grow up to be compassionate and generous. He loves to buy gifts for others. He will work an entire month on the farm, and spend his paycheck on a gift for someone else. I love that he is not ashamed to show me affection - a rarity I believe in middle school. I picture someday when I am old and feeble that he might be the one to take care of me. He loves his mumma! :)

He likes to cook too, which is pretty awesome. Likes the outdoors. Gardening. I imagine fishing and hunting would be his thing if he had someone in his life to teach him. B is not interested in those things. I wish my dad were still around to teach him a thing or two.

Last night we took him out into the school parking lot and let him drive. He actually did quite well. And when we were done he was grinning from ear to ear. What is it with boys and cars? Hard to believe in another year he will be able to get his learners permit.

So tonight he and 4 other guys are going to have an xbox party. They each bring their xbox and play each other in video games ALL NIGHT LONG. He's pretty pumped.

J I love you to the moon and back. You make me laugh. You brighten my sad days. You will make a great husband and father some day!!

My prayer for you today is this:

Lord, thank you for the son you have blessed us with. Thank you for entrusting him in our care. Help us to be the parents he needs. I pray you would make school easier for him Father. I pray he would see the need to do well. Please keep a hedge of protection around him, keep him safe from danger and evil. I pray his friendships would be blessed and you would give him 1 or 2 friends he can confide in for years to come. I pray that he would mature spiritually, that you would touch his heart and turn his face to you. Help him to remain pure for marriage. Please prepare for him a godly wife that will be a good helpmate in his marriage. I continue to pray that you would use him in mighty ways to make a difference for eternity. Please bless his day today. Help him to feel encouraged and loved. In Christ's precious name, Amen.

Tides are turning

2010-10-21T07:44:00.000-05:00

Not sure why, but I feel as if the tides are turning - God is going to be making a big shift in our lives!! I feel as if abundant blessings are just around the corner!

B has started applying for jobs!! I can't believe I actually just typed that!! After 2 long years!! His instructor at school had a company call and ask for recommendations - and he is going to recommend B. We also found 2 job opportunities in the paper that he has sent resumes out to. He can't begin work until he graduates in early December, but we are almost there!! And each of the jobs he's applied for so far are first shift, which is so the desire of our hearts. It's getting too hard on my man to work third shift anymore, too hard on the family.

Yesterday I had to call our second mortgage company because we were late, and they told us we were eligible for a loan modification! Which would cut our interest and payment in half!! I wish I would have known that 2 years ago!! I'm not sure why I didn't think to call them - I called all of our credit card companies, student loan, and first mortgage, but not the second? We have tried so hard to honor all of our debt, and somehow we have managed to! Anyway, what a surprise blessing for us. It always feels as if we are sinking further and further, but these are the subtle ways God grabs our hands and keeps us afloat!!

He has been so faithful to us and taught us sooo much! I can honestly say this has been one of our longest, hardest trials ever, but I'm so glad we went through it with Him - he has changed our thinking! Refined us!!

On another note, this past weekend I babysat for a family of 4 for the entire weekend! I was reminded why you have children when you are younger. Not that I'm "that old", but too old to be chasing 4 children around 24-7. He-he. I was nervous about the weekend going in, but it really wasn't that bad, other then sapping my energy. They were well behaved kids for the most part, normal kids who fight with each other and need reminders, but I was firm from the get go and I think they respected that. I kept them busy by taking them to various cool parks, walks, and leaf rubbings for a craft. I taught the older 2 how to play war. We went to McDonalds and I took them to church. I wanted to put the money in my travel fund for Kansas, but unfortunately, this time, I had to put it toward our mortgage payment.

My daughter C helped out a few hours on Friday and then came Saturday night to help me with the Sunday morning rush. I was so thankful for her help. And what makes it even more special, is that she sacrificed a fun evening with her friends to be there for me. I see growth in her and it fills my heart!!

Finally, last night C and I went to see a speaker at her school who spoke about Rachel Scott, the girl who was murdered in the Columbine shooting. I've been to see Rachel's Challenge before, but it's been awhile. It was a good reminder to extend kindness to EVERYONE, not just the people who are easy to be kind to. I'm amazed at her story, and how it has touched millions of lives. I know she was a believer in Christ, and it just goes to show how God works, how glory can come from tragedy. If you haven't read her book yet, you should check it out - Rachel's tears. Hopefully in the near future, I can blog about acts of kindness that have taken me out of my comfort zone.

Can't wait to see what's to come!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-13T07:29:00.001-05:00

My Loves

A Random Riddle About Me

2010-10-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

I love....

the Son of God

My high school sweetheart

the 3 gifts I've been blessed with

My 2nd first born

old Spice

Anything not grown up yet

the person who carried me for 9 months

My other family - the one I wasn't born into

I REALLY like....

where God has me serving

The season that brings sunshine and warmth

potatoes that aren't really French but they call them that

A warm mug in my hands

the color that is opposite of happy

Capturing time in something glossy

I wouldn't mind...

not giving a rip about that green stuff

Losing a few cells

furthering His kingdom in as many ways as possible

The ability to use my vocal chords

to hold my possessions loosely

Leaving something for my ancestors that starts with an L

I don't care for...

being away from home every day

Meat that comes from a cow

all eyes on me

Drowning - and not it water

movies that make me hide my face

Temperatures that make water freeze

waking before the sun is up

I despise...

words purposely spoken that are not truth

The disease that starts with a C

the things you put in your mouth that cause that disease

Being more then 20 miles from a certain someones

that I have a pantry full of canned goods and consider myself poor

Cleaning the room in the house that people are naked in most

that I didn't get more time with my dad

That I spend more time on the computer then in a very special famous book

this is who I am....

Hugs from God

2010-10-02T19:18:00.000-05:00

I felt my Father's hugs from above this week. I was blessed in so many ways!! Not only did my firstborn daughter & grandson come home for a visit from Kansas (which I believe may have been just to soothe my hurting heart), but 2 other surprises came my way!

As you know, times have been tough for us, and we have been hit hard by the hurting economy. It has officially been 2 years since B has been laid off. And at first, people were very generous, but over time, I think people don't understand that you are still hurting. But that's the beauty of it. It's not up to "people" to sustain us. It's our Father above who provides for and encourages us.

Lately it has been getting harder and harder for us, and we've been doing this for so long, it's just too hard to ask for help anymore. Therefore, we are slipping further and further behind. I think we've hit a point in our journey where we just need to trust, fully and completely, and see what God does.

Friday when I got home from work, there was a card in the mail box from "friends" that contained a gift card to the local grocery store. It amazes me at the timeliness of this.

It had been a long week for my hubby B. He just finished a big order (he makes wood crafts) under pressure, and we had company, and our 13 year old son was getting on his nerves again. I could tell my man needed to get out. So we grabbed baby boy while mama napped, hopped in the car and headed for a restaurant for dinner. Just the three of us. We couldn't decide where to go, and ended up heading North and then turning around to go South. Of course this trip was not in our budget, but there are times where you just have to do something that lets you forget the position you are in!! After about 30 minutes in the car, we ended up at a local truck stop, which we rarely every visit. B was in the mood for a fish fry though, and we couldn't think of anywhere else. I think someone was pushing our car there!! After we finished eating, B went to pay our bill, and the cashier told us the waitress paid our bill!! She happened to be walking by and he asked "can I ask why"? She said "I read your wife's blog and I'm a friend of your daughter". :) K, if you are reading this post, know that you blessed us tremendously!! Thank you for being obedient to the tug God laid on your heart.

So there you have my "hugs from God this week". I'll close with a few shots from the kids visit.

4 little munchkins

2010-09-25T11:48:00.000-05:00

2nd day of babysitting - another success. I'm bracing myself for the day I have a horror story to tell!

Watched 4 little munchkins who happen to belong to some very good friends of ours. Babysitting in this capacity is more like spending time with family. I love those kids! And my Grammy (or Granny as my so called friend likes to call me - makes me sound ancient) instincts definitely kicked in! It's so much fun to be able to relax and not worry too much about being strict or getting things done. You actually have time to sit and enjoy everything they say and do, which I believe is what makes being a Grandma so much fun!

I grinned from ear to ear as J-man showed me how he can ride his bike without training wheels! He was so proud of himself, and so was I!

Over dinner, (yummy pizza from Papa Murphy's!), we told silly jokes and knock knocks. Something about a child's laughter is soothing to the soul.

I love that baby girl allows me to be her caregiver when Mama is gone. Not an easy task for her, but she takes pretty well to me, which makes a Grammy feel so blessed! Her hair is long enough for piggy tails now (1 1/2 yrs) and she looks so darn cute running around in her cute cloth diapers with her chubby little legs. I wasn't a cloth diaper mommy, and personally thought they might be more work then they are worth, but they work well and look so cute!

Bed time came way to soon. I worked at my day job until six and got there at 6:30 so by the time we got through dinner there wasn't much time left. The boys watched a movie they had just got from the library and were anxious to see, while I put little bundle of joy down to bed and cleaned up the supper mess. After I got her cleaned up and in jammies she let me snuggle her a little bit before laying her down. The first 10 minutes she complained a little, nothing serious, and then proceeded to gab for about 1/2 hour in her crib. I was torn...get her up or let her gab. I opted for the second choice, figuring it would be that much harder to get her down the second time. I think bedtime is the most difficult task for a babysitter.

Once that was done, I went down to finish the movie with the boys. Little E wanted to sit up in my lap. All was right with the world. :)

After the movie, the boys went to bed beautifully! Mommy and Daddy came home from date night looking refreshed and rejuvinated. I probably hung around too long to chat, but enjoy their conversation. I hit the road to come home at about 11!

So far, I am feeling blessed by this new part-time job. I know the "employers" are doing it to help me out with my Kansas fund, which is a gift to me. I also get joy in knowing they are at peace while they are out, and enjoying their break from parenting.

Thank you Lord, for being so good to me!!

Grammy's sitter service

2010-09-23T22:32:00.000-05:00

I am back in business! Haven't babysat for money in....20 some years?

It is so different now. The little rugrats bring me such joy! I love spending time with them. I love that the parents get a break from every day life, and at the same time are able to help me out by contributing to my Kansas fund so I can go see my babies. Taking the money was a bit difficult for me, but it is a job after all - for now!

So tonight was my first job. I watched 3 kiddos. They took the newborn with. :( Something I also would have done as a young mom, but I always hope to get to spend time with babies!

The kids were so good. And cute. And it was easier then I'd thought it would be. They made me smile so many times. Here are a few of their antics:

We went for a long walk to the park. While walking home Annabelle said "do you think my mommy and daddy miss me?" So sweet. I said "I'm sure they do, do you miss them right now?" "Yeah". I said "but I bet they are having fun!" To which she replied "I wish they were home" and I said "sometimes mommy's and daddy's need a break all by themselves." And it seemed as if she thought that was a good idea because we moved on to the next subject.

Then, another time, when it was getting to be time to leave the park I told the kids one more ride and we need to head back. Of course they protested as all kids do, and I said "but the street lights are coming on and we don't want to be here in the dark". Cute little Maddy said "God is bigger then the boogeyman!" To which I broke out in the veggi tale song and they joined me. How fun is that?

I resorted to the next best method - bribery - "don't you want to go back and have some animal crackers?" That got em going, especially little Jack. What is it with boys and food?

The wind picked up and was blowing leaves around like crazy. Maddy exclaimed the leaves were falling because it was fall! We counted pumpkins along the way and they talked about getting to wear costumes soon. It's so much fun to share in their wonder of the world around them.

On our final stretch of the walk, little Jack saw his house and yelled "Mommy's house" as he took off running. And proceeded to go down the line "Daddy's house", "Jack's house" and then ran right past it. :)

Other then that there was some down time on the couch reading books. I've forgotten how fun that is for an eager audience. Just before bed, we watched a Barbie movie. So sweet to have them all snuggled around me.

Bedtime wasn't a success for me. Sadly. But it seems to be their normal routine to be in their room at night playing awhile before they sleep. I just wanted to be super Grammy and have them all sound asleep when the parents came home!

I could get used to this job real easy!

Day 1 of Grammy's service - a success!!

My God

2010-09-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

Is soooo good!

Beth Moore conference on Saturday was uh-mazing! Sermons lately have been hitting home. Head a great one on one deep convo with a sister in Christ, and am considering a missions trip with the family. LOVE working with my teens at church, not sure if God has me there for them or them there for me. :)

Prayed hard and long about how I could go visit my babies in KS, and God gave me the coolest idea. I am going to start babysitting for families in the area nights and weekends. All money I earn will go to my travel fund. This way, I can maybe take a monthly trip, even if only for 3 days, to see my little joys.

The Spirit is moving and the joy in my heart is overflowing! Even though I'm grieving being apart from my daughter and her family, I am filled with joy. That's just how He works. He loves me enough to care for the little details!

And well, there might just be one more surprise to tell you. Lord willing. Praying about it tonight.

Will blog more soon about my weekend!

Heartaches

2010-09-16T19:48:00.000-05:00

It still hurts to be away from my stinky baby boy. Not gonna lie.Like physically hurts my heart and my stomach.

How the heck is this gonna work for 2 years?

What if they never come back to Wi?

How do other families do it? Am I some sort of obsessed freak or something?

I guess I need to start looking for what God wants to teach me.

Prayer. His word. Encouragement from others.

I think I'll go do that right now. I need some lovin from my Daddy above!!

Day off

2010-09-15T08:16:00.001-05:00

Or not really? I'm so thankful for Wednesdays because I don't have to work, but it is not truly a day off. One of these years I will have to schedule a true "day off" where I do absolutely nothing!

My plate is full today. This week. This month. My mom and sis both say I do too much. I need to slow down, cut back.

Sounds simple right? Not so. I get involved in things because I want to. Because I enjoy them, because I want to be a blessing, because someone needs help, because I love someone, because I love people and I'm a relational kind of gal.

What's on the agenda this week? The biggy is our ladies Beth Moore conference this Saturday at church. If you've never heard of Beth Moore or done a bible study by her, I highly encourage you to look her up. She is vibrant and exciting and on fire for Christ. She dives into scripture and gets you excited about it! This Saturday she is live via satellite at our church. We have approximately 150 women coming to the event. It is exciting! I LOVE to be in a roomful of women worshipping Him and growing together. It is just as amazing to go to a Christian concert and worship our Father together with thousands of people. If you haven't done it, you should try it some time.

So today looks like this....

Get J up and ready for school pics today! Only one child left for school pics. Easier on the pocket book, but feels strange. Of course he was running late because he got sucked into you tube videos again. I'm pretty sure he didn't brush his teeth.

My daily devotional. As soon as I sign off of here.

Dishes. They are everywhere. I think they multiply over night.

Laundry. Always.

Vacuum. Darn pets.

Balance checkbook. Never enough money.

Update the youth group website.

Email the band parents committee.

Sneak in a shower and a shave.

Listen to the live simulcast of Beth Moore at noon to pray for the event.

Go get my hair trimmed - decide which bill I will skip so I can do that! Priorities - I know.

Pick up coolers for the conference.

Pick up 13 cases of water for the conference - may delegate to hubby. : - )

Pick up a handful of groceries. Getting tired of only have canned goods in the house.

Unpack said groceries.

Switch a load of laundry.

Pick up kids from school - looks like rain.

Supper - what to make.

Grab C and whatever other teens need a ride and head to youth group.

TLC (youth group). Pizza contest. I get to be a judge. Yum!

Unload 13 cases of water and coolers into the church.

While at TLC, skip out for awhile and help the ladies pack the totes for the conference.

Drop off whatever teens need a ride home.

Come home and maybe, possibly watch the season premiere of Survivor!!!

And that, my friends, is my day off. Don't you want to be me??

Baby Love

2010-09-12T16:19:00.000-05:00

Me n babies go together like peas n carrots. They capture my heart and never let go.

This little guy would be my youngest nephew B. He is such a sweetheart of a boy. Awesome disposition. Laid back, snuggly, and fun!!

From time to time, I get to steal him for a day or two. Just to spend time with him and to allow his mommy and daddy a little freedom.

We have lots of fun. He always brings a smile to my face, and believe it or not, I feel refreshed after he is gone. Babies are my drug of choice. :) (Never mind that I need a nap because he woke up at 5:30 a.m.!!)

Bubbies, as I like to call him is about a year and a half. He is fast entering toddlerhood, and gets into everything! He is all over the place.

He is learning to talk, and here are a few of his words:

Bi? Bite. Any time you have food he will approach you and say "bi?" because he wants a bite. Which usually is followed by

TT which means thank you. He says the letters t and t, but the inflection in his voice sound just like thank you.

Tee which I believe is three. We played a little game where I counted out his cereal, One, Two, and he would exclaim Tee!!!! I was so proud and thought I taught him something, but turns out his Grammy has been working with him. Us Grammy's stick together!!

Dada which is of course Dad, but also All Done - again, insert inflection in his voice and hands up in the air. Da da.

He says mu-ma too.

And I tried to get him to say Auntie to which he would say daddy. Hmmmm....

And then there is bye bye.

I love him. I love the time I get to spend with him. Babies are a blessing to me!!

Generous son

2010-09-06T20:14:00.000-05:00

My son J is a typical teen, soon to be 14 yrs. He's hormonal, needs to learn to control his temper and is a total slob. Hates school, lies about homework, and plows through our groceries in one day. He is on such a growth spurt and is already taller and bigger then my husband!! Church bores him. He claims to know Christ, but doesn't feel the need to shine for him right now. (Praying on that one).

So he is your typical teenage boy, he has many areas to grow and improve on, but he is also very

GENEROUS.

and

LOVING.

and

LOYAL.

He will one day make a wonderful husband and daddy. I also think he will always be a loyal son to his mama. He looks out for me. :) I take comfort in knowing when I'm old and feeble, he will take care of me.

But back to generous. This boy wants to spend his first pay check on his family! He started a new job about 6 weeks ago, on a farm. My strapping young man is building character and muscle at the same time. He milks the cows, feeds the calves, bails hay, shovels cow poo, and more. I'm so proud of him! If my dad could see him, he would be beyond proud. It's not even minimum wage, but for a teenage boy who never had income before, a months worth of below minimum wage is good money!

He has been agonizing the last few weeks about how to spend his money. We agreed he could spend his first pay check, if every check after that he learned to save a bigger portion. His ideas ranged from a used Mac computer, a touch ipod, a bike, an xbox a small flat screen t.v. a new camera for mom, and more that I can't think of.

When it came down to it, he bought a refurbished xbox so he could play online with his buddies (apparently they all have one, and not a PS3 like we have). He also bought a new bike. He's rough on bikes and has gone through every bike in the house except mine (too girly I think). But after riding the Wal-Mart bike a few times he realized it was not a good buy. The chain broke more then once, the handle bars came loose, and he reasoned winter is just around the corner. He decided to take the bike back and save up for one in the spring. Maybe we can find a decent used one.

So now he has money in his pocket, and he decides to take his family to dinner. My 13 year old son treated us to the Texas Roadhouse for dinner tonight. I felt guilty, and tried to talk him out of it, but he really wanted to do it. I wish I would of brought my camera. He was on cloud nine. All smiles and giddy. Telling us to order whatever we want. It was so sweet as him and his dad sat across from me and his sister, and he throws his arm around his dad with a big smile. Get what you want! Whatever!

So at a time when eating out for our family has come to a halt, our son was a blessing to our family. I am getting the feeling that generosity may be a spiritual gift of his, and I can't wait to see how God uses it. Well, maybe I can wait. I don't want him to grow up too fast!!

So tonight, I'm thanking God for the son that He has given us!

Father, thank you for J. Thank you for knowing I wouldn't be ready to quit being a mommy when the girls left the house. Thank you for who he is becoming. I pray Lord that his desire to serve you wholeheartedly would increase daily. That he would see the need to make a difference for eternity. I pray that you would use him in mighty ways. Watch over my boy Lord. Keep him safe from danger and evil, strong against temptation. Convict him of areas of sin and poor attitude Lord, lay it heavy on his heart and help him to repent. I pray for his future wife, that you would bless her life, and that she would be a godly support to my son one day. Thank you for the job you have provided him with, and for his generous heart. Thank you for the special treat he gave to his family tonight. I pray you help B and I to be the parents he needs, firm when he needs it, and gentle when he doesn't. We are blessed Father, and so thankful. Amen

Floating

2010-09-03T21:50:00.000-05:00

Floating.

Aimlessly back and forth. Like the autumn leaves from the tree.

Need to re-focus.

Need to regain my purpose.

Ashamed at how far I've drifted.

Distracted with life.

Want direction.

Wish the Wind would take me where I need to be.

Perhaps back to summer. Where it's warm and sunny.

More then likely to the cold earth.

So I can feel the pain. The pain of dying to self.

So I can become a seed and sprout new life.

Like a tree that reaches to the heavens.

Floating.

We are family

2010-08-15T16:41:00.000-05:00

First there was love

Then a family

Then love and a family again

Which makes for a happy Grammy & Grampy

We love our family

Our soldier returns home safely!

August 2010

Lasts

2010-08-12T07:23:00.000-05:00

In one week I will be pulling out of town with a 16 ft truck full of my daughter's two bedroom apartment, her husband, and his friend and us following behind in their SUV with baby boy. We will make the 12 hour drive (or more) to Kansas where they will be stationed for the next two years. I know, it's not forever, but it feels like it.

Sigh. I hate this kind of count down. My stomach turns in knots and my heart aches. It's hard to believe in two weeks at this time, they will be gone. And then about a week later the other two kids start school again. C will be a senior - last year of high school. J will be in eighth grade - last year of middle school. Life will be so different in our home. I don't know if I like this getting old thing.

Whenever baby boy is around, I soak him in. I try to memorize the touch of his skin, the feel of his little fingers wrapped around mine, the way he smells, and how he feels in my arms. He reached out for me yesterday. Now if that doesn't melt a grandma's heart I don't know what will. I swear his little giggle could cure a disease. And Grammy is getting pretty good at making him giggle!

There will be a lot of lasts for us this year. C's last band concert and prom, last year of C & J riding to school together, last middle school teacher's conference, last time baby boy can sleep in Grammy's bassinet. Next time they visit, he will be much too big.

Hopefully by this time next year, B will be well established in a new job. Hopefully we will still be in our home (for some reason, they decided not to send his last 2 unemployment checks, and we can't get a hold of them), and hopefully we will be driving a new vehicle, as ours are on their last leg.

In two short weeks my mom is moving as well. So many changes for me at once. I took comfort in her living so close, and now she will be 20 miles away. She has decided to move in with my sister. She's tired of the drama at her apartment complex. I worry for her. I think it is too soon and she will tire of it quickly. I worry she will take on the stress that they have in their home right now, and the financial burden. On top of that I worry she will fall - they live in an old farm house with many steep stairs. I tried to talk her into waiting another year, but she has her mind made up. I'll miss the quick walk over to her house for a cup of sugar or a little cheering up. I'll miss her surprise visits to drop of the free bread she got at the store, or bring us some goodies to eat. So many pages turning in this chapter of my life.

I'm enjoying my job in the brand new building. It feels like a new job, and for some reason, makes it easier to go to work! I'm enjoying the glimpses here and there that I see of alone time with my hubby. It will be good to spend quality time together again. He dreams about when it is just the two of us, and a box of cookies lasts for more then a day, and we have leftovers from our dinner. He dreams about the house staying clean, and no arguments at the dinner table. I am digging my heels in as I am not ready for that stage of my life, but as we are getting more and more alone time together, I'm realizing it will not be so bad. I will be with the love of my life, and we will be focused on each other.

I know what it is to be in need...

2010-08-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

‎"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." ~Philippians 4:12-13

Ran across this verse today, and it is exactly what I needed to hear. Sometimes God has a way of shoving it in your face when you are absent from the word!! I think if I wouldn't have seen this verse today, I might've curled under my blanket and hibernated for the weekend.

In the worldly sense, life is really rough right now, and it seems to be snowballing. We have tried several times, to no avail, to get a home loan modification. We are your average family in this generation who allowed themselves to get buried in debt. This was not really an issue when we were both working, we were making ends meet. But B will hit 2 years of unemployment in October!! Each month gets a little more and more difficult. His entire unemployment income goes to the mortgage payment - and even comes up about $80 short. That leaves my income to take care of the rest. For some odd reason - last week he didn't get paid, and it will more then likely take a few days to get a hold of the place to figure out why. Lets just say there is a pretty good chance we won't be paying our mortgage this month.

We have exhausted every resource we can think of to lower payments, cut expenses, and provide food. We've received charity and help from our church family - often times right when we need it! We've donated plasma for extra income, and even visited the local food pantry. But the road is getting long and hard. Today J started football practice. We skipped football last year because we couldn't pay the entry fee, but found out this year there are scholarships for this sort of thing. Needless to say, there are still expenses involved. My sprouting young man at the age of 13 now weighs 200 lbs and is in a size 12 1/2 shoe. We cannot afford new cleats. We can't even afford to put bread on the table. So I've been scrambling around asking everyone I know if they have an old size 12 pair of cleats laying around. It was rough on the way to practice this morning when we didn't have a pair. He was kind of a mess about it. He tried B's size 11 baseball shoes on, but they were just too small. Thankfully, praise God, one of the mom's responded and had a pair of 13s lying around. Now my son has cleats. It's very humbling.

Not only do we not have enough for the mortgage or cleats, but we don't have enough to allow our kids some summer fun. All of the siblings are headed to Six Flags, a local amusement park, this weekend. The tickets are costly, and they had to buy their own. It costed all that they have. Sadly they will not be able to eat or drink while they are there. We have to pack them a lunch, which is even proving to be difficult. It's looking like peanut butter sandwiches and pretzels with water. It's hard to not be able to provide for your kids. It's equally hard to accept help from people when they offer.

You never imagine how it must feel to be in this position. I've seen families struggling in the past. I've had pity on them. But I never imagined...

Little by little we watch as the house goes in disrepair, we can't keep up with maintenance, can't buy the kids new clothes, can't keep the cars maintained, have considered getting rid of the pets to cut costs, have thought about selling our home - it that is even possible...

When you think about it all in the "worldy sense" it seems so hopeless. I could easily slip into depression and watch my life go down the tubes - easily.

BUT

I have a God who loves me. A God who is teaching me through my trials. He is teaching me what it is to be in need, to live in want. I'm not quite sure of the full lesson in it all yet, but I have some ideas. I think he is making me more compassionate, a better steward of my money and time, and teaching me that life is so much more then things and activities. Life is about people, it's about relationships, it's about love, and most importantly, it's about people seeing through you a God who loves them and wants to spend eternity with them.

I have come to a place where I believe that I could live in a tent, with my family, and still be content. Who knows! It may come down to that!

What keeps me going?

Knowing that He has a plan for me.... For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Knowing that God says we will have trouble, and He will help us... A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

But most of all knowing I can do everything through him who gives me strength." ~Philippians 4:12-13

Some of you blog for your reader's enjoyment. And although I enjoy making new friends this way, or keeping old friends up on my life, I blog to journal. So you see my friend, this blog is not a cry for pity, but a journal entry for me to one day reflect back on, and hopefully see how far I've come. Refined.

I'm not saying I have it all together. I am often brought to tears when it gets to be too overwhelming. I am saying, however, that with God, together I have it all!!

Family Reunion Fun

2010-07-19T06:02:00.000-05:00

4 siblings together again!

Mother and son

Mom and her girls

Bro and his boys

Kisses from Auntie

Great Uncle and Auntie

Aunt & Niece

Mammo scare!!

2010-07-07T18:45:00.000-05:00

Stop right here, if you don't care to read a post about my boobs. :)

So now that I am the big 4-0 I get to have all those extra special tests that old people get. I had my first mammogram about 2 weeks ago. Doc says don't believe what everyone says about it hurting, it's not that bad. Well let me share my experience.

I had two of my teenagers along with me, because they wanted to go shopping afterwards. So of course they are joking about it pretty much all the way up there. I let the receptionist know I am there, and we take a seat in the waiting room. I sit across the room from the goofballs, while they sit and giggle and snicker. I'm thinking....some day...it will be your turn as I laugh at their goofyness. It wasn't long at all, and my name was called.

They lead me into a room and instruct me to take my shirt off, wash my boobs and armpits with this teeny tiny wet nap, and put on the cute flowery cape, snapped in the front. I'm thinking this really won't be so terrible, as my boobs are smaller then the average girl. So I go through steps A-C above, and sit in my chair looking at all of the boob pictures in the room, and the funny looking x-ray machine. Knock knock. Come on in. Enters x-ray technician - thank goodness a girl. Tries to calm my nerves, explains what she will do, which is basically make my boob as thin as possible and stretch it out as much as she can so they can view all of the tissue. She also explained that since it is my first one, more then likely I will be called back for further x-rays, as they don't have a baseline for me, and each boob is different. Not to worry if I get a call to come back.

Next I hop up by the x-ray machine, and am instructed to pull my cape back. I raise my arm to hold the bar, as she grabs boob A and inserts between two plastic looking plates. She manipulates the boob, kind of like playdough, until it is just right, and then turns the crank nice and tight. My boob is flattened to the size of a sheet of paper. (slight exaggeration, but that's how it felt!) Deep breath, and hold. Breathe. She does this three or four times for different shots on boob A and then moves to boob B and repeats.

The whole process went much quicker then I thought! I think I was done in 15 minutes. I get dressed and notice the pretty red marks all over my chest from them stretching the skin as far as possible, and I'm on my way. Not fun, but I've had worse things happen.

Naturally, a few days later, I get the phone call that they'd like me to come back for more shots of my left breast. Slight hesitation and then I remember - perfectly normal. "I have an opening tomorrow or next week". I take the one for next week, thinking maybe I can get out of it. But then I think about the women who let this stuff go, and miss something serious. So I'm a good girl and I keep my appointment.

Next week rolls around and I plan to take my mom along this time for company. Mom wants to go to a thrift store, my sons favorite place, so J decides to ride along too! Then K gets a horrible migraine and starts throwing up, so I have to take my grandson L along for the ride, because mumma is not functioning at the moment. The 4 of us load up in mom's van (none of my vehicles have working air and the humidity/heat level is through the roof!) and drive 15 miles North for mammogram #2.

I tell mom and J to wait in the care with L. Should only be about 15 minutes. I check in, again, and have a seat. Of course this time the waiting room is full of women, and the wait is longer then last time. Finally my name gets called and I head in to a changing room . Follow the same routine, steps A-C (even though this time I remembered to skip the deoderant - they still want it nice and clean). Next I had to sit in a separate waiting room with the flowery cape on, rather then in my own room. Before long, there are several women with flowery capes on around me, all feeling kind of silly, and "naked".

(Insert do-do sound from the Jeopardy show). Finally my name gets called and in I go. For these shots they are using smaller plates to get a more localized shot, and this time they squeeze that crank A LOT harder! I'm thinking this woman is angry at her husband or something. Sure enough she starts talking about the weather and I was telling her I was thankful for air at which point she tells me how her husband left the door open all night with the air on! Ouch!! I'd like to leave with that breast, thank you!

A few quick shots and she says the radiologist will read them right away and let me know, so please leave your cape on and go sit in the room with all the other capes. The clock ticks some more, and I'm hoping that my grandson is not fussing in the van for my mom. I watch as women go in and out, and then they call me into a different room. "There is an area he is concerned about, and we want to get an ultrasound of the area, do you have a little more time?" Heart starts to race just a little. Of course, lets do this right away.

This time around I wait in the waiting room a long time. At least a half hour. One nurse comes in and I ask if she knows how much longer because my baby grandson is in the car. Her eyes get big and she exclaims, "by himself??!!" Oh brother. I laugh and say "no, not by himself, with my mom". At this point I'm wishing I had brought my purse and phone in with me so I could call them.

Seeing as I have some time to think, my mind starts to race. What if they do find something? What if I have breast cancer? Seems strange, there is no history in my family, but what if? What if it's so far along, that I am going to die? Am I going to need chemo? Will I lose my hair? Maybe I'll lose some weight. I'm totally ready to meet my Creator if now is my time, but what about my family? They will be so sad. Oh yeah - lots of fun thoughts.

Finally they call me in to the ultrasound room. Lay on the bed and raise your left arm over your head. She then gels up the wand (cold gel I might add) and rubs it all over my boob. I get to watch the screen as she takes pictures of the boob. Kind of reminded me of when I had ultrasounds done of my babies - not as fun though. She explains she will go review the pictures with the radiologist and that he might be back in to get some more views. Seriously? What is going on here? So I lay there in the dark .... do-do do-do do-do do...I think as I'm laying there - I'm definitely going to blog about this! The room is quite dark and machines are humming, I could go to sleep. Take a little cat nap. I hope L is being good!

Then comes the knock again, and in comes a MAN radiologist. Oh goody. It's bad enough my husband gets to see my saggy boobs, now some complete stranger of the opposite sex??!! Sigh. He explains that the tissue in each woman's breast is different. Unique. Just like a fingerprint. Since I don't have previous pictures, they have to get a good look. So I swallow my pride and let him "play with my boob" for awhile.

Looks good! You are all done. Make sure you do your self examinations and come back in a year.

Wow. That was a lot of hype, don't you think? I'm wondering if they do this often - just to make a buck??

So, this chic is cancer free for now. Thank you Lord for saving my boobs!! :o)

A little devo...

2010-06-28T19:33:00.000-05:00

Just thought I'd share my devotion for today, because it is one that I try to live by, and as of late, I see many examples of it in my life!

Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.....Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Straight out of the bible. Inspired by God. That is good stuff!

As of late, I have been able to rejoice with those who rejoice. I watched as dear friends of ours got married this past weekend. The setting was beautiful. Watching them in awe of each other was beautiful. Celebrating with them was beautiful. Anticipating their future in missions together is exciting. And the best part? We've only been friends for about a year or so, yet I love them a ton and consider them near and dear to my heart. That is what being a part of the family of God is about folks!

Just a few minutes ago I received news that friends of ours who have been trying for several years now are expecting their first baby! I wanted to jump up and down! I got goose bumps and immediately got on the phone to share the news. I am sooo happy for them. They are finally getting the desire of their heart. Got is faithful.

On the flip side, it's hard to watch friends lose loved ones. It's hard to see loved ones who are sick and injured suffer. My heart breaks for them and yearns to take their place. Another family from our church experienced a near tragedy when their son was in a serious motor cycle accident in the Philippines, and they were concerned about the bleeding to his brain. As a church body we immediately became concerned for them and I wanted to do anything I could to help. In that situation there isn't much you can do to help, so we were all praying for him. Many believers, one body. 2 days later, his bleeding has stopped, he's talking and no more seizures or vomiting. He is recovering! We still pray for him as he may need surgery yet, but it is our prayer that he doesn't.

My sister in-law recently had major, major back surgery. She is a young mom with 3 kiddos at home. As you can imagine a surgery like this takes a toll on a family. I do what I can to help them. I want to help lighten their load. And the best part? My church family has come along side me to bring them meals, pray for them, and even prepare a meal for me on days when I am over there helping them (to them, she is a stranger)! I get the benefit of seeing the gratitude in their eyes when I am there. And best of all, it has strengthened our relationship as sister in-laws. God is good.

I mourn and then rejoice with my daughter, as her husband serves over in Iraq and has to be apart from his new wife and new baby. I feel her pain when she has to be single mom and gets wore down. My heart aches for what it must feel like to not have her love by her side. I also get to rejoice with her as her baby boy reaches milestone after milestone. I rejoice as she anticipates DH arrival home in a few short weeks. All while my heart secretly hurts at having to let them go and move states away. But it's o.k. They belong to God and are a gift for me to enjoy while I can. I imagine their life together will be happy and fulfilling, and I'm sure I will get to share in it in His time.

I feel the pain as one of my teens from youth group shares with me that her best friend was raped. I hold her and pray for her as she cries tears for her friend. My heart hurts for her and her friend. I long to rescue the young girl who is suffering. I gladly turn them over to our loving Father above and pray for him to do a work in her life, and to bring justice.

I think back to times when I have rejoiced/mourned, and others have shared with me. When I had my babies, my friends and family were there beside me beaming with joy and pride, bringing me meals and helping my family however they could. When we got our house or B got a job we'd been praying for, there were shouts of joy.

When I lost my father, I was upheld by arms of those who love and care about me. It was extremely comforting to be loved and cared for during that difficult time.

When B lost his job, love poured in left and right in the form of gift cards and gas cards and groceries and money for Christmas, notes of encouragement and words of prayer.

It is an amazing feeling to be a part of the family of God, and I can honestly say that I do mourn with those who mourn and I do rejoice with those who rejoice.

God desires us to live in harmony, and when you do, life is sweet.

Live simply, love greatly, care deeply leave the rest to God.

Summer daze

2010-06-18T22:42:00.000-05:00

I LOVE summer!! It is my favorite time of the year. Even when it is hot. I welcome it. I don't get along with cold, and get cold so darn easy. Even in the summer I bring a light jacket everywhere for all of the air conditioned places!!

I've been to the beach already. Headed to a cook out tomorrow. Graduation party times 2. One wedding down, two to go. Worked in the garden. Hung my wash on the line! Dog got a bath. Took my grandson for a walk. Played at the park. Watched a sun set. Had ice cream out - several times!! Cheered on my man at several softball games. Watermelon, check, nectarines, check, corn on the cob, check. Sat out on the deck to catch some rays, check!! Did I mention that I LOVE summer??!! I need it's brightness to keep me chipper. I need it's warmth to keep me warm. (why is the Mr. Sun song from Barney playing in my head?)

HOWEVER.....big sigh.....long pause....

summer this year brings me closer to saying goodbye to my precious little grandson and my best friend and daughter. I try so hard not to think about it, but it's like there's a huge clock in my head ticking loudly as the days pass by. I get emotional when I think about it. I tear up when I look at their picture. When I hold baby boy, I try to imprint his scent, the feel of his body, and his sweet little noises in my head. Once they are gone, I know how fast he'll grow up.

It's very similar to the feeling I had when I lost my father...joy for him, for the place he has gone, hurt and sadness for me, to have to be left behind without him. I get the same huge lump in my throat. I feel the same pain in my chest as I struggle to breathe. I try to imagine day to day life without them. It's painful.

Maybe it seems silly to some. It's not like they are never coming back (I hope!! But two years is a long, long time). They will be 11 hours away. Just far enough to make it hard to get to them. I am planning a few visits, but it will take the grace of God to work out. I'll need to take days off of work for long weekends, we don't have a vehicle that runs well enough to drive that distance. B is going on 2 years of no job, which makes flying out of the question. I'm not sure how it is going to work, but I HAVE to see them as much as possible. Once a month would be awesome, once every two months is more realistic, once every three is most likely. That's a big change from seeing them every day folks. A customer today told me I need to start distancing myself now. I'm not sure how to do that.

I'd like to help them move in August, but I'm kind of afraid to. I think it might be difficult to ride that long ride with them, to the "end". And then to have to say goodbye and ride that long ride home again might be torture. I hope my little man doesn't forget his Grammy. I hope he is not afraid of me the first time he sees me after they've gone!

So, I'll do what I always do in times of trial and pain. I'll lean on the One who is always there. The only One who can see me through. Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through him who gives me strength.

After all, I am the mom, and I need to be strong for my babies.

My First You Capture : Fun

2010-06-10T14:46:00.000-05:00

One of the reasons I love summer - watching my man play softball!

My "boys" at a softball game. Grandson came to cheer on Grampy!

Training him to cheer, "You're #1 Grampy!"

Go catch more of the fun at Beth's blog!

Grateful

2010-05-03T22:58:00.000-05:00

Ugh...my last post was so whiney and depressing!

I have soooo much to be thankful for. Time to stop sniveling and "man (or woman) up!"

Life is good....God is good...

We still own our own home, despite B being unemployed for almost 2 years!

We have 3 healthy (nearly grown) children whom I love dearly and have great relationships with.

I still love my high school sweetheart beyond words.

We have great friends, and the circle keeps getting bigger! I love the sweet fellowship of Christian friendship!!

We both have awesome parents who have always loved and cared for us.

We live in a beautiful state, and this time of year is so gorgeous!

I.am.a.grandma. Such a gift! I love that baby boy so much! He brings me much joy.

I look forward to the future - I'm excited to watch it unfold!

I love the ministry God has me in. It is so rewarding!

My yard has lots of flowers right now...and summer is almost here!

I am free! Free to speak, free to worship a God I love, free to live for Him, free from hopelessness and despair! It's intoxicating!

Grateful.

In a FUNK

2010-04-21T19:53:00.000-05:00

Wow...it's been 2 months since I've blogged. Since the birth of my grandson I just don't have time, because when I am not helping with him, I am working, cleaning, or at church...and the cleaning part has pretty much been pushed to the back burner.

Tonight I'm pretty stressed and not a fun person to be around. I might actually say something mean and not feel guilty about it...until tomorrow anyway. So steer clear!

I think part of my problem is that my house is a mess. I sort of melt down when this happens. Sad, I know. I just never have time anymore. Not that I'm complaining, but both of my days off (Wednesday/Saturday) are often spent with L. But I keep telling myself I will deal with the lack of sleep and messy house for now, because in a few short months they will move far far away for way too long. But I still feel the effects of not having my ducks all in a row.

Finances are always an issue, and even more so when your husband isn't working, so the burden and stress of that is always looming over my head, but I'll spare you all the gory details. Some days I do great and am at complete peace that God will provide. I know it to the depths of my soul. The evidence is there when I look back over the year and a half and see how we've been taken care of. Yet other days I look ahead and my heart starts to race and my stomach turns.

I try not to get wrapped up in me, myself and I. After all, this life is not about me, and my goal is to further His kingdom in my actions, words, and relationships. So many days I forget, and get wrapped up in myself. I think part of my problem is I need to get back into the Word and get fed. I'm starving! This should not be a challenge, it should be a privelege, but I struggle to make time for it. I challenged my Sunday School kids this week to read it every day, but failed to rise to the challenge myself. Double ugh.

I'm also feeling frumpy tonight. My hair looks like poo and my wardrobe needs an update. And although I just got back from vacation in March I'm ready for another. Aren't I just a bundle of joy?

So what's ahead in my life? Softball starts again. I love watching the guys play. Love to see the comaraderie. Love the fellowship with the fans. Love how excited my hubby gets for each game. Go Blue! :)

C has prom coming up. After a looooong day of shopping at 2 malls, we ended up back at the first, local store we shopped at. But on the plus side, the dress was $40 cheaper then what she thought. It's her junior year this year so she's going all out. Hopefully she'll have a great time and make good choices.

My nephew B turns one this weekend. Such a precious boy. He loves to snuggle and he is wrapped around my heart. I don't get to see him often enough, something I need to rectify!

My sis inlaw is having major back surgery soon. Pray for her. She has two small children, one of which gets severe separation anxiety, which will make it a challenge for mommy and the caregivers for the next couple of months. Pray that the kids would adjust, that things would go well for the caregivers and for my bro inlaw, and mostly that the surgery is a success and that she gets relief from her pain. We've been meeting once a week at the beach. It's been an enjoyable time of just idle chatter and being together. Something we should've started a long time ago, and I hope to continue. Here are some of the shots K took of us last night. I'll just post pics of my family, as I'm not sure if B would want me to post of hers.

Have I ever said how much I love my family??? So much. They mean the world to me and when life is looking bleak I count my blessings.

This summer will be especially difficult for me as B will have a much lighter school schedule and the kids will have their summer break. I will be the only one required to go to the grind every day. Boo hoo poor me. Did I mention that I hate that I have to work? Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for my job, and things are going well, I would just prefer to be at home taking care of my house and my family and my ministries. That is the desire of my heart. And it isn't any easier when the whole family is home!

I'm hoping C and J can find summer jobs. J is 13 1/2 this summer. I would LOVE for him to find a job on a farm. Something to exert some of that extra testosterone that often comes out in angry fits. It would be great for his health too - to get out and get active. And C has been without a job for some time now. Not easy for a 17 year old with unemployed parents. She makes commission on the fursuits she makes, and when she does, it is a very very nice commission, but the problem is it it not consistent or regular. I'm also hoping she finds a job that suits her this summer. Hard to believe she will only have one more year of high school, and we will be down to one child home! Can't even imagine it yet.

No real vacation planned for the summer. Perhaps we will make it a weekend in the Dells, if the funds come through. Otherwise lots of trips to the beach. What little money we have been able to stash is set aside in a travel fund for trips to KS to see M & K and little L when they head back there in Aug or Sept. My goal is to see them every 3 months, maybe every other time we go there. Fingers crossed. Can't imagine being away from my grandson for longer then that. I will fly down with K some time in July to help her find an apartment for them. That should be a bittersweet trip.

O.k. now I'm rambling...see what happens when you don't blog in 2 months!

I'll post again soon. I have some adorable pics of baby boy to brag about.

Peace out.

He has arrived!!

2010-02-20T21:03:00.001-06:00

My first grandson was born on Friday at 12:20 a.m. 6 lbs 7 ounces, 19 1/2 inches long. He is so precious. I'm smitten over the little guy. He has captured my heart completely.

It was a long day for my daughter. She went in at about 7:30 a.m. on the 18th. At 8:30 they broke her water. Part of the reason they induced labor was because her husband is home from Iraq for a short time for the delivery, and they wanted him to be able to enjoy the baby. The other part is because he wasn't growing very much, so they were concerned about the placenta. But anyway, back to the story. By the time I finished work and got up to the hospital (about 1), she was only 2 cm dilated. The contractions were coming, but they were short and sporadic. A couple more hours went by and she was starting to feel harder, more intense contractions, but yet she was only at 3 centimeters. It was time for an epidural.

I guess going in the epidural was a little rough, and it did cause some bruising in her back. I don't think she liked not having feeling in her legs, but other than that, she was able to enjoy her delivery because of it. Her and her husband took a nap while we waited in the waiting room. When they woke up from their nap after supper, they checked her again and she was up to 7 cm! We started getting excited then! She labored for a while longer, and at around 10-10:30 they told her she was 10 cm. That's when my heart started to race. I knew the moment I had waited for was about to arrive. But they wanted her to continue to labor so that the head would drop further (less pushing that way). She was sort of laboring like I did (shot up to 7 cm and then it went quickly from there) so B and I had a bet. I bet she'd deliver by midnight, he bet after. I still think I would of been right, but the nurse didn't want her to push and we still had to wait for the doctor to arrive. So, he made his appearance at 12:20! 3 contractions and out he came!

It was amazing to watch him be born. I feel so honored that my daughter trusts me enough, loves me enough, and needs me enough to want me there for the birth. I know that is not the case in all families, and I am sooo thankful! It was an incredible experience, one I will never forget.

The doctor mentioned that the placenta was "calcified", and apparently he wasn't getting full nourishment which stunted his growth slightly - and that is why he is such a peanut. It won't have any long term affect on him, and he will catch up quickly with mommy's milk. Mommy has plenty of that for him already, and she's doing great with nursing. She's a natural born mommy - and has wanted to be one since she was 4 years old!

Here she is meeting her son. I get overwhelmed with emotion when I see this picture. The joy and love and excitement is all captured in her face, and you can see the little guy gazing up at her. Sigh.

After mommy and daddy had their time, Grammy and Grandpa got to meet him. We were just a "little" excited.

Today the happy family came home. Today is the day that starts a new life for them. A new life for us too. Life as we know it will be different. I look forward to the rest of his life. His first teeth and first steps, trips for ice cream and to the park, sleepovers, catching frogs and jumping puddles, making messes cuz he can't at Mommy's, snuggle time in bed, bubble baths, T-ball games and Christmas concerts, reading stories and singing songs. Talking about Jesus, or the facts of life. It is going to be grand. We love you little man!! Welcome to the family!