Big news!

I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!

I got the news while I was at work Tuesday. Not exactly the place you want to get the news that your first born is having a baby. I was stunned at first, long pause on the phone.....couldn't say a whole lot with all of my coworkers and customers standing around. Not to mention I couldn't concentrate after that! So many thoughts ran through my head after that. I thought about the fact that M probably won't be here for the delivery. And next I thought about how after about 6 months, her and her baby and husband will probably head back to their duty station - in another state. It's going to break this grandma's heart. Might sound a little selfish. It is her baby, her family, but I want to be a part of my grandchildrens lives. But as the hours and days wore on, joy filled my soul. I want to shout to the world that I am going to be a grandmother. I've looked forward to this day for years! Even when K was dating, I thought of grandchildren.

I think back to when my parents fell in love, and then had children. Or my grandparents. Then B and I. And now, another generation is born. I look forward to spending time with my grandchild. I can't wait to read it stories and give it baths. I look forward to showing it off for the world to see. Walks to the park and out for ice cream, sleep overs, talks about God, hugs and kisses.

I get to do right, what I did wrong the first time around. And once the baby goes back home to mommy and daddy, I can put my feet up and relax.

Being a grandma is going to be so rewarding. I'm already praying for this little gift that God has blessed our families with. My heart is full!

Father's in my life

Since it's father's day, I wanted to do a post about the father's in my life.

First and foremost, I think of my heavenly Father. Honestly, I didn't think of Him until I decided to journal. Mostly we celebrate father's day for our earthly fathers, but I can't go without being thankful for the One who loves me most. The One who "knit me in my mother's womb" and knows "the number of hairs on my head". He is the one who blessed me with the father who raised me, and and the father of my children. I am so thankful for them both!

Next is my dad, Pa. I knew I loved him much, but the saying is so true "you don't know what you have until it is gone". Oh how I miss him. The sound of his voice, the way he smelled, his touch, the twinkle in his eye. He wasn't the kind of daddy that got on the floor and played with you, but he was never short on hugs and kisses, and he loved to kid around. He helped me to be the woman I am today. I think I get my sense of humor from him. I also think that I am very relational like him. I like to socialize and be with people. He had a tenderness for animals and babies, something I also inherited from him. Probably the best thing that he gave me was the ability to love and be loved - to show affection. I so look forward to the day I get to hug him again!

B is my soul mate, the father of my children. I am amazed that God knows just who is the right person to share your life with. I am also amazed that he fills me with an unending love for my husband. I love him even at his worst. I love him in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, better or worse. I'm thankful that he is by my side in raising our children. Parenting is no easy task, but I love that I have his support. It is comforting to know that he loves my children just as much as I do. I love what he brings to our lives, and the gifts that he has passed on to our children. He shares his artistic talent, his natural ability with computers and electronics, his love for movies and music, his ability to think things through and figure things out, his love of cooking, his sense of humor and that fact that he puts God and his wife first in his life. It is so cool to see how each of the kids has inherited a few of these traits from him.

Father God, I love you. I am so thankful that you first loved me. I praise you for the gifts in my life, for the father you blessed me with. I always knew I was loved with him. Some kids don't have that. Thank you Lord for my dad - give him a squeeze for me. My heart overflows with joy and love for the husband that you have given me, for the work you are doing in his life. We are nowhere close to perfection, but I see so much growth in his life, I see you working in his life. Thank you for blessing us with our three beautiful children. They truly are a blessing, and I'm so thankful that you entrusted them in our care! I pray you be with each one of them. Help them to fully know you, and to share their lives with you. Thank you Father God, for all you have done and are going to do!! Amen

Time with family

Time spent with family is precious memories!

Friday night my 7 year old nephew S came over to spend the night. This is a special occasion because S' mom and my nephew D are not together and D allowed him to be adopted when he was a baby by her new husband. Any way - the point is, she still allows him to be a part of our lives. They live in Texas because he is in the Army, so I don't see him often. Since we don't see each other often, our time together is special. I love that he adores me, his Auntie. We have a special connection!

We started the night out by going for ice cream at Coldstones. A luxury we can't afford right now, but sometimes you have to sacrifice for those you love! So we all packed in the car and headed out for ice cream. He loves to chat, and says the cutest things!! He's very smart as well. In the 99th percentile for the whole state of Texas, and can read at a 4th grade level! He's going into 2nd grade! (Proud auntie). He was telling stories on the way there, and he cracked B up with a story. Apparently he had a sticker and was pretending to rip the hair off of his leg with it. He told a story about how his mom had to take a bandage or something off of him on his upper thigh, and it ripped his "man hair" off. LOL.

Later he and my 12 year old son J were discussing if the person on the riding lawn mower was a girl or a guy. She was an older lady with a baseball hat on, so it was hard for him to tell. I said "S, she has boobies. A guy doesn't have boobies". To which he replied "my dad has boobies!" :) Out of the mouths of babes!!

The most precious moment for me was when we were getting ready to eat breakfast. Backing up, he had gotten up before I did, and was watching Uncle B play the video game Madden football. He was keeping score. I love how he makes himself at home here. I had gotten up, and he said, "Auntie Char, can I please have breakfast". So polite!! So I made our breakfast and the two of us sat down at the counter to eat. Before I know it he has his hands folded and his little head bowed, and he prays something like this "Dear God, thank you for my cousins and my Aunt and Uncle. Thank you that we could take a trip up here to visit with them. Amen". Awww!! I thought my heart would melt into a puddle on the floor! I'm not real sure where his family is spiritually, but it always seems like he is very aware of God.

After playing a few video games with his cousins J & C (his favorite thing to do with them!) we headed outside. I had some flowers to plant and some wash to hang, and then I promised a trip to the park. My nephew D and his fiance and new baby arrived early, (D is his biological father), so we all headed to the park together. The whole time we are together I get to hear stories about his life. Fights he's had, what his friends say, things he's done. He chatters nonstop.

When we got home from the park the rest of my family was there for a visit with him. Grandma brought lots of food to eat. We grilled hot dogs on the grill, she brought cheese and sausage and baked a cake. She supplied chips and soda and cookies too. Everyone pigged out and visited for the next few hours. I had bought the kids bubbles and stickers, so that kept them partially entertained.

It was a great visit with my nephews and their families, along with my brother, sister and mom. D has a new baby now, so S got so see his new baby brother! And I got some baby time in. :) Nothing fancy or big, just time together spent with family. Those are the memories that last.

My Daddy

Not sure why, maybe because father's day is approaching? But I really miss my Dad today. I still can't believe he's gone. When I think of him, it still feels like my heart is in a vice grip.

These things describe dad:

1. Old spice cologne

2. Oldie country-western music

3. Pabst Blue Ribbon beer

4. Mayonnaise and onion sandwiches

5. Whiskers

6. The Price is Right

7. Crossword puzzles

8. Big vans

9. White t-shirts

10. Flat feet

11. Gardens

12. Michigan

13. Loud booming laughter

14. Big bright smile

15. Baby blue eyes

16. Big, warm hands

17. Black licorice

18. Reader's Digest

19. The newspaper

20. Old western movies

21. Semi trucks

22. Flat brimmed hats

23. Cribbage

24. Radishes with salt

25. Hidden candy bars

26. Nicknames like Shenna, Joot, Kylie, Molly putz, Corky, Porker B, Muchit, Svelt

27. How Great Thou Art & In the Garden

28. Hairy chest

29. Deedly deedly dee dee dee

30. Flannel shirts or jackets

31. National Geographic

32. Korean war

33. Bald head

34. Crawling in his lap so he could warm my feet up

Don't take your fathers for granted. Reflect on what you love about them, because once they are gone, that is what you remember most. I loved my dad very much.

Love Overflowing

Lately, despite my struggles, I feel as if I am overflowing with joy. Bursting at the seams. I am finding God more in more in the day to day things. The hug I get from my young boy who is approaching manhood. The news from a friend that "it's a girl!" Sitting among friends at a softball game, cheering for our men. Eating dinner with my family, goofing off. Excitement in my husband's voice about his school schedule. A sweet card in the mail from a friend, just because. Sitting on my deck at lunch, absorbing the sun. Time spent with my sisters in Christ, pouring over God's word.

Fitting that our sermon on Sunday was about the Fruit of the Spirit being Love. God is the source of all love. We can truly love because God poured out His love unto us when He gave us the Holy Spirit. (Romans 5:5) You see, natural love is selfish. Given to benefit/serve me. Supernatural love is selfless. A sacrifice given to benefit someone else.

Only when we begin to comprehend the depth of God's love can we love others. Ephesians 3:18-19 I pray that you may have power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. The reason people can not give love like they should is because they don't understand what they have received, or they haven't accepted His love.

Here's the part I love. The flow of God's love. John 15:1-17. to paraphrase: I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. (This is the joy I have been experiencing lately). My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Man. When you are connected to God, the love flows right through. Having a hard time loving? Your connection has been turned off. Romans 15:7 Accept one another as God accepts you.

I want more! More love, more power, more of You in my life. (Sorry, broke into song there). I am so hungry for God right now. 3 key principles. 1. KNOW - I am loved & have access to His love through the Spirit. 2. CONNECT - spend time with Christ - abide. 3. PRAY - give me the ability to love like you. Then ask yourself this, "what do they need from me that God wants to supply?"

There is so much joy/love in being a child of God, it's difficult not to love!

Hungry I come to you for I know ... you satisfy
Broken I come to you for I know your love ... does not run dry
So I wait ... for you... So I wait ... for you
I'm falling on my knees...offering all of me...
Jesus your all this heart is living for!

Life catch up

There is a reason I have not journaled for some time now - life has been very busy! It all started with my baby girl getting married suddenly! That's right, married! I'm still recovering from that one myself. I'm very happy for them. Honestly in the beginning I wasn't thrilled that they decided to rush and go to the courthouse, but in hind sight, it was the best thing. God is so good that way. He blessed it and made it a beautiful day, even if it wasn't traditional! He knew what was ahead!

M was home on leave from the Army before going to his duty station. They felt the urgent need to get married, rather then wait until fall like they originally planned. What this did for them was double his income, provide health insurance for K that she didn't have, life insurance and peace of mind. Low and behold not even a month later he found out he is getting deployed this summer!! They definitely would've wanted to be married before that happened.

So first came the wedding. We had about 2 days to plan it. It is a good thing his mom, Toni, and I are good friends (thanks to our kids!) We make a pretty good team. Originally we were just going to have immediate family. We did only have immediate family at the ceremony, but we had an open house in the evening for guests. It started out just cake and punch, but ended up being appetizers too.

A quick run to Costco, a phone call to the cake place, a stop at a friends for wedding decorations (she just married 3 daughters), round up of tables and chairs, and a call to a friend to take pictures, and we were on our way! The cool thing is, so many guests asked how they could help, and almost every guest brought a dish to share! We didn't think to have a guest book, but I'll bet there were at least 150 people there - with only 24 hours notice! It was cool to see how many people love and care about them, and I'm sure they were encouraged and blessed. It was a crazy couple of days. Thankfully I was able to get off with short notice at work. When I think back now, God took care of so many details!

The ceremony was quaint. There wasn't a lot of emphasis about God and his importance, but the vows were beautiful and did talk about them being one. I believe in my heart of hearts that God was there, and he did bless their union. Their youth pastor could not marry them, because they weren't finished with the premarital counseling yet, so our only choice was the court house. I hope for their sakes, that they finish their counseling - something they may regret if they don't.

After the ceremony, we went to a fairly fancy restaurant at the Amercian Club. A nice time was had by both families. We even clinked the glasses for the traditional kissing! Everyone was just thrilled and it was hard not to smile that day. Some memories that come to mind are the fact that her grandpa was in charge of picking up the cake, and he fell on it and smooshed it - oops. But she is so gracious that it didn't even bother her. I think grandpa felt awful - and now it is something we can laugh about. Before lunch we stopped at her job - Starbucks - rather then the bar. M's parents treated everyone to a coffee drink and they got to celebrate with her coworkers for a few minutes. It was a very rainy morning, but by the time her open house began, the skies had cleared and the sun came out!!

I called upon a friend who I've seen take wonderful pictures with her amazing camera (thanks Elizabeth!) She generously cleared her schedule and came out for the day to take photos. This relieved us from having to focus on it, and she did such a good job. My only regret is that she wasn't able to make the open house, and we didn't get many photos of that night. We were too busy!! I guess weddings aren't meant to be perfect.

The night was like any other wedding reception. We were greeted by many guests and had to take time for each one of them. We hardly had time to breath, and I know B never had a chance to even eat! The night went quickly, but was a joyous time we will never forget.

The original plan was to still have a celebration in the fall, or even on the anniversary date of their wedding. That was until we found out about his deployment. The good thing is, they are completely content with the ceremony they had. If anything, I feel bad for the guests who could not make it on such short notice.

He went off to Kansas where he is stationed, and she stayed back to wait for their celebration. As soon as he found out their plans for him (about a month later), he called and asked her to come as soon as possible so they could spend some of their married life together before he left.

That brings me to part 2 of the saga - a quick road trip to Kansas with my daughter!! To be continued.....

This time of year is bittersweet for me. I feel such sadness that my Savior had to suffer the way He did. I feel horrible about how he was mocked, spit on, and beat. He loved every one of those who were cruel to Him. He loves each of us though we continue to live in sin, worship idols, and turn from Him.

I wish it didn't have to be. I wish he didn't have to bear the punishment for all that we have done and will do. But He did. We have a God who is good and wise. He knew what He was doing when he devised this plan. He loved us so much and wanted to be with us so badly, that He knew this was the only way we could come before Him. A perfect and holy God.

I want my life to be about Him. I want Him to mold me into that person that makes a difference for eternity. Take all of my money, my belongings, my job... strip me of my earthly possessions and desires. I would give it all up to make an impact on eternity. I want everyone to know what He has done for all of man kind. No one should miss out on eternity.

Now I just need His strength to do it.

Looking forward to the Easter celebration tomorrow. Can't wait to worship with my church family and to sing songs of praise to the only One who deserves it. He is Alive! And oh how He loves you and me!!

Hi ho hi ho

I am so drained. I know I should be very thankful that I have a job. Thankful that they have been able to give me more then my part-time hours. But I wish it weren't so. I do not feel "balanced" when I work 40 hours. I cannot keep up with my life and my family when I work this much. It makes me irritable and gives me a poor attitude. It really sucks. I never wanted to be a career woman. I've always cared more about my family.

I'm thankful for a husband who does the dishes and cooks dinner while I am away at work. I just never get the chance to clean the house the way I like to anymore. Pathetic, I know, but it drives me crazy. It's so hard when I come home for lunch and he is playing video games. Or when the kids have off of school so the whole family is home - everyone but me.

The weekends are a blur. By the time I donate plasma and grocery shop on Saturdays, it is nearly dinner time. After dinner and clean up, the day feels done. Sunday we are off to church and usually a stop afterwards. I get my Sunday nap and another day is in. The past week we have moved K into her new place. I'm thankful we could help her settle in. I'm just exhausted. Now the weekend is over, and I have to look forward to another 40 hour week.

Tonight I had to pick C up from a convention in Milwaukee. We got on the road late and then took a wrong turn, so we were about 30 minutes late. Because of this, I wasn't able to make my youth leader meeting tonight. I really wanted to be there as they were going to discuss the Jvers - which is where my heart is.

Speaking of youth group - I have not been present for a few weeks now. It's too hard to make the time on Wednesday night when my schedule is so full already. I hate it. My heart is still there, but my body isn't. I feel as if I can see them from afar and I want to be there, but I can't. Even if I were right now, I probably would not be a good leader or effective for Christ.

So tonight I feel frustrated, overwhelmed and discouraged.

B is more then likely going to take the free schooling and go for a 2 year degree since he has not been able to find a job. That is 2 more years of keeping up at this pace. I can't even think about it.

I feel so selfish and ungrateful in the grand scheme of things. So many have it much worse then us, whether it be bad health or no money at all or the loss of loved ones. Some aren't even sure where they will spend eterinity. I've just hit a low spot is all.

Thought I should write about it so that maybe one day I can look back and say - "I remember being in that valley".

Wishing to sign off with a bible verse, but right now my mind is blank.